I KNOW THIS MAY BE LENGTHY, BUT PLEASE TAKE A MINUTE IF YOU CAN...
Ok, so in the Sunday School class that I currently attend we all take turns teaching a lesson. This past Sunday was my week to teach the lesson. I was really excited about the lesson from the moment I saw the title. The lesson was primarily on accepting others. There was a scripture from Romans and a passage from James.
Romans 15:7
Accept one another, then, just as Christ accepted you, in order to bring praise to God.
James 2: 1-13
1My brothers, as believers in our glorious Lord Jesus Christ, don't show favoritism. 2Suppose a man comes into your meeting wearing a gold ring and fine clothes, and a poor man in shabby clothes also comes in. 3If you show special attention to the man wearing fine clothes and say, "Here's a good seat for you," but say to the poor man, "You stand there" or "Sit on the floor by my feet," 4have you not discriminated among yourselves and become judges with evil thoughts?
5Listen, my dear brothers: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love him? 6But you have insulted the poor. Is it not the rich who are exploiting you? Are they not the ones who are dragging you into court? 7Are they not the ones who are slandering the noble name of him to whom you belong?
8If you really keep the royal law found in Scripture, "Love your neighbor as yourself," you are doing right. 9But if you show favoritism, you sin and are convicted by the law as lawbreakers. 10For whoever keeps the whole law and yet stumbles at just one point is guilty of breaking all of it. 11For he who said, "Do not commit adultery," also said, "Do not murder." If you do not commit adultery but do commit murder, you have become a lawbreaker.
12Speak and act as those who are going to be judged by the law that gives freedom, 13because judgment without mercy will be shown to anyone who has not been merciful. Mercy triumphs over judgment!
The notes in the lesson brought up how we as Christians tend to (wether we think we are or not) judge others based on the clothing they wear. It talked about the rich man and the poor man in this passage from James, and how we need to see past these things. It talked about how judging the poor and the rich alike dishonors them and how God didn't look down on us to see our outward appearances before he sent his Son to save us from our sins.
So, the discussion in the class took a turn down a road that I SO did not want to go on, especially as a minister's wife. I knew where this discussion could go, and I knew that my dear husband (the youth minister) would/could become a topic in this discussion. And sure enough it happened.
There were a couple of women (that I still respect) that got on the topic of how we dress (should dress) at church. Several statements were made such as:
"I think that we should dress in a way that honors God."
"We are coming to the temple and we should have on our best."
"We get dressed up every other day for work, so why can't we give God our best on Sunday."
"What if someone's best is a pair of jeans and a t-shirt?"
"I don't think a deacon should be taking up the offering in jeans."
"I think that any time we come to worship God, we should be dressed in our very best."
"We come to the "temple" so we should dress appropriately"
Then there was this one that I KNEW WAS COMMING......"And if you are on STAFF, you really shouldn't wear shorts to a Sunday evening service."
After that comment was made, I tried to ignore it and move on.....but the next section in the book brought this same topic up AGAIN!!!! So, I had to face it, especially when this was said, "Yeah, Angie, you might just want to relay that message to Carlton that he really upset the Senior Adults." My only response at that time was, "Well, that is really between him and God, not me. So, on to the next scriputure...."
OK... since that moment I have had some time to think, meditate on it and pray and here is where I have come on this (let me know what you think....HONESTLY!!!)
First of all, he was actually on vacation that Sunday. We did not leave town, so that morning we got up and went to SS and church. He wore slacks and a shirt, but no coat and tie. Then that evening in question we were going to stay home but realized that the pastor was holding a special Lord's Supper that evening and we wanted to attend. Several of the guys (youth) wanted him to go to the movies after the service, so his thought process was, "I am on vacation, I am going to a movie after the service....I think I will wear shorts." The shorts he wore were khaki cargo shorts (I ironed them to a crisp), and he wore a polo style shirt with them. He definitely was not slouchy wearing basketball shorts and a t-shirt. The irony of this situation was that one of the choruses we sang that evening was "Come Just As You Are".
Second and more important than all that in my opinion is, "What does it really matter anyway?" (And I am NOT just saying that because the accused is my dear hubby) I can't think of anywhere in the Bible that the Lord tells us that we have to dress a certain way to come to worship him. The only scriptures I can find on the way we should dress is in reference to women and if we were to get literal with what the Word says......I don't think many women would like it one bit.
Another thought I had in response to one of the comments was, "If we should be dressed in our very best EVERY TIME we come to worship the Lord then that would mean that we should be dressed in our VERY BEST ALL THE TIME. Weren't we created to worhip Him? Weren't we created to bring honor to Him? Weren't we created to be in constant comunion with Him? If that is the case, and the comment they had is true, then when I went to the grocery store on Saturday in my wind pants, and a t-shirt that was a size too big, then I could not/would not be able to worship God. I beg to differ! If that was the case then I couldn't worship God while digging in the dirt with my children then could I, but that's not what the Bible tells me.
And for the comment "We come to the "temple"....." Isn't our bodies the temple
1 Corinthians 3:16
16Don't you know that you yourselves are God's temple and that God's Spirit lives in you?
And furthermore, with this kind of attitude, what are we saying to the non-Christians out there. They already think that we Christians are rude, stuck-up, hypocritical, and the list goes on......
If we tell them that they have to dress a certain way to come to church, then we are telling them that Christ only wants them if they are ready to be "presentable" (in our terms of presentable) to Him. And that is FAR from the truth.
Gosh....I could just go on forever about this.......if you have a thought, please leave a comment.
Some Things I’ve Loved Wearing
9 months ago
7 comments:
This is a tricky subject and I'll try to step carefully, esp. since you do not know me, nor where I have been nor where I am being led in my won Christian walk. I'll try not to step on your toes here, so please take all that I have to say in Christian love.
First I will point you to God's Word. You have rightly said that the Bible does not tell one how to dress, but in 1 Tim 3:1-7, it lists the qualifications of an Overseer, a leadership role, bishop, preacher; vs 2 says temperate, sober-minded, good behavior, then vs 3 gentle, not quarrelsome, vs 6, not a novice, lest being puffed up with pride he fall into the same condemnation as the devil.
Having said that, I would exhort you to exhort your husband to examine his heart, (unless it was only you who were offended by the comments in your SS class.) Make sure that firstly his motives were pure, and secondly, I would have him consult the senior pastor to "go to the top" so to speak and see if indeed there are any denominational requirements or standard that he may have violated. If yes, then maybe an apology is in order, if not, then I would take what these other people have said with a grain of salt and not let it bristle you. If the case is the latter, perhaps the Senior Pastor could put out in a newsletter or informal correspondence the requirements of your denomination, just to set the record straight.
This was quite a tome, I didn't mean to overwhelm, but this is an issue that cannot be discussed in only a few words.
Please keep us posted about what you decide.
Bless your heart. What a hornet's nest. Seems like music and clothing in the church can get folks stirred up and turn reasonable people into ranting lunatics! I'm sure God wishes we would turn that passion into other eternal pursuits.
I can definitely relate: I was raised in a very traditional and legalistic setting with very conservative parents. Wearing pants to church on a Sunday night was not allowed, even when all my other high school friends were doing it. After 25 years at a pretty formal church, we now are at a more casual church. It has taken awhile to get used to wearing pants on Sunday morning, but I finally came to the conclusion that obsessing over my clothes was not where my focus needed to be.
Since the Bible tells us that "man looks on the outward appearance but God looks on the heart", I agree with you that God isn't near as worked up over our attire as we are. But the point of the passage in James is not to say we should dress like slobs at church, but to be sure we welcome all and not show favoritism.
I don't think in Bible times they really had the plethora of outfits we do where they had "Sunday clothes" and "regular clothes". But their economic status was reflected in their clothing, and James was reminding us that the ground is level at the foot of the cross.
I think for too many years the emphasis was on "dressing up" for church. I deliberately don't buy "Easter clothes" because I got so tired of the fashion parade at the church I went to for years. When I'm not focusing on what I or the person in the next row is wearing, I have time and energy to put my focus on where it should be. On the other hand, while I don't judge someone who walks in wearing jeans, for me, I do want my outer appearance to be a reflection of my inner heart.
One caveat: I do think we also need to consider the environment we are in and the potential for offending fellow believers and even causing them to stumble. I would dress differently at a traditional church comprised of many senior citizens than I would at a contemporary seeker-focused church.
But the bottom line is we need to extend grace, not condemnation, to each other.
Sorry this is so long. I know you asked for comments and thoughts, not a "novel". Enjoyed reading your blog.
Marylu and Mocha,
Thank you both for stopping by and leaving responses. If I didn't want my toes to be possibly stepped on then I would not have asked for opinions or comments to be left :) so don't worry about stepping on toes, I can take that.
I do agree that with him being an "overseer" of the church that he should be held to a little bit of a higher standard than the rest. There is nothing in our denomination that stipulates what kind of clothing must be worn. We are at a "First Baptist Church" which is typically thought of as the "upper class Baptist church of the town" but the feeling I get from the majority of the people I come in contact with in our church is one that wants to "do away" with that stigma. They want ANYONE to feel welcomed at our church.
I agree that the passage in James is reminding us that we are to accept all and not show favoritism, that it is not saying that we should dress like slobs. And I agree that the way we dress should be an outward reflection of our hearts. Truthfully, his heart is one that is so laid back, and I know he didn't choose to wear such clothing just to offend. I started not to say anything to him about this at all and thought that if it was that big a problem, then the Senior Pastor would talk to him about it later, but since it was brought to my attention, I felt I better at least discuss it with him. This has definitely been a learning lesson for him.
I was not necessarily offended by what these ladies had to say, it just let me into a "thinking mode" and I wanted to hear what others had to say about this same topic.
Thank you for your comments!
Others are still welcomed!
Okay, my turn! :)
This could easily be a chapter but I'll try and be brief.
It is obvious that your husband wasn't trying to be offensive in his choice of clothing for the night. In ministry, often the things that get people the most riled with us are things we are completely naive about.
Was he wrong? No. Now that you now it was offensive should he do it again? I'd say no. There is a fine line in living according to impossible to meet standards and yielding to the weaker brother. Every church has a personality and to purposefully buck the system just because you aren't technically required to meet the unwritten requirement is rebellious and disrespectful. (I'm saying in general, not about you! :)
When Luke and I interviewed for our current pastorate we were serving in a contemporary church. Luke preached in khakis and a golf shirt and that was perfectly fine. BUT here's what we discovered - instead of trying to meet your standard, the membership will work their way down from where you start. For example, when Luke had on khakis and a golf shirt, the rest of the membership viewed his dress as the pinnacle and THEY would come in with torn jeans, t-shirts, not nicely pressed shorts, tank tops, etc. It looked Sunday morning like everyone just rolled in with what they wore to the lake on Saturday.
Now, back to the interview with our current church. Luke asked the committee their take on dress. Should the pastor wear a suit and tie to preach on Sunday morning? He intended all along to wear a suit and tie because it was obvious by the personality of this church that would be expected. The only reason he asked was to hear their responses. Only one man on the committee stated he felt the pastor should dress this way on Sunday mornings but he was enough to confirm for Luke if we served in this body, we would oblige to the wishes of this minority so as not to be a hindrance. This man is darling and has been one of Luke's number one supporters. Luke would rather cut off his right arm than purposefully offend this man even though his views seem overly traditional.
You will always be safe if you yield to the counsel of Paul who said in 1 Cor. 9:22 'To the weak I became weak, that I might win the weak. I have become all things to all men, that I might by all means save some."
I also believe wholeheartedly in the power of the Holy Spirit to direct your heart in matters such as these. He will let you know how to set your heart and your attitude where nitpicky things like this are concerned.
Oh well, I said I'd be brief. I lied.
I guess lying preacher's wives can be our discussion for tomorrow. lol
thanks for inviting me to chime in! :
Lisa
Lisa
Lisa, you are always welcomed to "chime in" and I really don't care if it turns into a book or not! :)
This is definitely a lesson learned by him. He knew that there were many that didn't care what he wore on Sun. evenings, but knew that he better be in a suit and tie for Sun. mornings. He now knows that his nicely pressed shorts and shirt are NOT acceptable in the eyes of a few even on a Sun. evening and although he can be a teeny bit rebellious at times, I know that he would not purposefully set out to upset this generation (or any other for that matter) of people again.
I have always loved that scripture in 1 Cor. although I have seen many people use it so far out of context which breaks my heart.
And as far as the nitpicky stuff....the Lord has shown me so much in the past couple of years about this. Our last church was full of nitpicky things. Although this conversation in SS started to stirr my feathers a little bit, I realized how much I have matured through God's guidance with the way I responded and handled myself afterwords. In years past I would have cried and gotten upset at these women for "attacking" my dear husband (although I know he is not perfect either. BUT instead I was able to continue with the lesson and go to the service without letting it hinder my worship. And I have no one to thank for that other than God.
Thanks again for your words of widsom (which comes from Him!)
Angela
I would go along with what lisa has said. It's not what you wear but how you carry what you wear. We as Christians are to stand apart from the world so they can 'see' us. My church is a contemporary church, I grew up in a formal church. I have actually seen some downsides to everyone dressing down, namely , my children aren't as thoughtful about what they say to whom...when you cannpot tell the difference between your leaders and your peers, my teenagers are in a dilemna. Such a timely post. Will be going to the Word for a little longer each day till I get a clearer answer. Love you!
Oh my dear Ang...do I EVER know where you're coming from!!!
Our church has two campuses...one traditional (where we attend) and one contemporary. And of course the two campuses don't get along. But one of the things that most ruffles feathers at the traditional campus is the lacidasical (sp?) dress of the contemporary campus. Personally, and this may seem a little harsh, I could care less what someone wears if it fits them appropriately, covers all areas that need to be covered, and looks like they put some effort into what they're wearing. So needless to say I am way out of the norm at my campus. BUT, BUT, BUT I think "casual dress" can be taken a bit too far. I can't stand to see someone in tattered shorts, flip flops, a t-shirt and a cap in the service at the contemporary campus because I just don't think we should be wearing something to church that we would wear to the baseball field. So the thought that most people like to throw out there of "We want all people to feel welcome" really doesn't fly with me. I believe that someone who has never darkened the door of a church knows how to dress for church whether it's jeans and a nice shirt, slacks and a button down, or a suit and tie, because they've all been to restaurants on Sundays and have seen church-going folk come in.
While I don't think God really cares about what we wear, I think the rule to live by is, "Could what I'm wearing cause someone to stumble and think ungodly thoughts?" Like say, a too short mini and a low-cut blouse on a teen (that many parents let their teens get away with). I don't think C's crisply ironed shorts and a polo shirt were causing anyone to stumble or think ungodly thoughts. But like someone said, because it made someone upset, and he's a staff member I would probably not wear that again. (But I personally think it's pretty stupid and very petty that someone would get so upset by that. Church is not a fashion show!)
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