TRUST

Trust

That has always been a word that for some reason has been very difficult for me to put into action.

But why???

I was talking to my dear hubby about this just the other day. I keep looking back at family history, and I see things like divorce, extra marital affairs, abuse and the list goes on. Many of that I was directly affected by.

My grandfather had an affair that ended up with a “wife and two kids” in another town while he was still married to my grandmother.

My grandmother left that marriage and entered into many different marriages/relationships that contained abuse and ultimately ended in divorce. (Until she met my Pappy that is!)

Both of my parent’s siblings have all been divorced (at least once). Some of them were abusive to their spouses.

My parents were divorced, remarried, separated and now working on getting back together.

Male cousins sexually abused female cousins in ALL generations.


Hmmmm…….now I see where the issue lies. A lot of "junk in my trunk". Well, my dear blogging friends, it is now time to “dejunk” that trunk. All this junk has done nothing but leave me feeling insecure and down right paranoid at times. It has caused many “problems” with the hubby and I, and many times has almost caused me to loose a friend or two.

Here are just a couple verses that I am going to start living by:

Psalm 37:3-4 “Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and enjoy safe pasture. Delight yourself in the Lord and he will give you the desires of your heart.”

Psalm 56:4 “In God, whose word I praise, in God I trust; I will not be afraid. What can mortal man do to me?”

Proverbs 29:25 “Fear of man will prove to be a snare, but whoever trusts in the Lord is kept safe.”


Do any of you have special verses dealing with trust that you live by?

Lord, I Want To Be Whole.

Sorry ladies...between sick children and my schedule at the school being a little bit crazy I was not able to post this weeks lesson. I will get it done on Monday. Not having internet (that works consistantly) at home makes this a little tough, but I am working on a solution for that.

Honestly I don't know how many of you actually read this study or are participating, but either way it has helped me to become more accountable in doing it myself. And for those of you who just stop by, look around, and possibly read the study, I do hope you are getting something from it as well.

Thank you for your prayers.

I would like to ask that you all continue to remember Rachel's little belly!

Lord, I Want To Be Whole - Step 1: Release the Past, Part 1

Ok...after reading through some of this material this week I have decided that there may be many times when a "step" or chapter will HAVE to be broken into at least 2 parts. There is so much in this book and it can be very overwhelming.




Today's lesson is titled "The Foundation of Confession".




In this chapter Stormie talks about how she came to know Christ, and about the first time she went to see a Christian counselor at the church she was attending. She spent time telling this counselor all about her abusive childhood, and about how for years now she has found herself in and out of these depressions that she described as "emotional blackouts". She questioned how this could still be happening to her even after she came to know the Lord, got a good husband, a home and had no financial worries for the first time in her life. The counselor looked at her once she was finished and said, "You have bondage, Stormie, and you need deliverance." Bondage is the opression that comes upon us when we don't live the way we're suppose to. Deliverance breaks that oppression.




She then instructed Stormie to go home and write down EVERY sin that God brought to her mind. She told her to ask God to help her remember each incident, then to write it down and say, "God I confess this before You and ask Your forgiveness." She explained to Stormie that although we are forgiven of our sins when we accept Christ, we often live right in the middle of things from which God has liberated us. She went on to explain to her that, "recieving Christ meant being freed from this death grip. However, the bondage that accompanies each sin must have a point of severance through confession. Then she told her, "whatever you confess before God will release you from the bondage that accompanies it."



Remember, sin is an old archery term, meaning "to miss the bull's eye, or mark. Anything off the center of God's best and perfect will for our lives is sin. 1 John 5:17 says, "All unrighteousness is sin." When sin is left unconfessed, a wall goes up between us and God. Even though the sine may have stopped, it will still weigh you down. Stormie also wrote that there are many times we fail to see ourselves as responsible for certain actions. These are hidden sins. For example, while it's not your fault that soemone abused you, your reaction to it now is your responsibility.



Then in the workbook she asks us to begin this process starting with looking at the areas below and check in which areas we may have sinned. She says these are some pitfalls she will talk about in Step 6.

• Anger


• Criticism


• Envy


• Lust


• Lying


• Pride


• Rebellion against God

Then she says to be specific about the ways you have sinned in these or other areas during your childhood, your yough and your adulthood.

Moments in my Childhood:

Moments in my Youth:

Moments in Adulthood:

She then says to look back over the list and as you do so, say, "God, I confess this before You and ask Your forgiveness." Then think again. Ask God to reveal any hidden sins to you, and ask Him that same thing. Then she says to finally write a prayer asking God to fogive you for all the sins He has brought to your mind.

Ponder this:

"Though your sins are like scarlet,

They shall be white as snow;

Though they are red like crimson,

They shall be as wool." (Isaiah 1:18)

Stormie says that now that you have done this, you should take those pages and burn them. Your sins have been fogiven!

I did not write all this stuff down for me this time online. If so, I would not be able to burn them! You do the same. Our sins are only for us and God to know about, sure there may be a few that others are keenly aware of, but there are some that we wouldn't want ANYONE to know about I am sure! :)

Here are some scriptures to think on as you have this time of confession with God!

Proverbs28:13, John 1:9-10, Psalm 32:1-5, James 5:16, Mark 4:12, 2 Corinthians 2:10, 1 John 2:12

I will give you some time to ponder these things, then I will post the second half of this study; The Foundation of Ongoing Forgiveness

"Lord I Want To Be Whole" Intro - Pt.2

**Sorry about all the color changes...I don't know what I did this time...but I will work on that for the next one!


Well, it has been over a week and I am ready to get this thing rolling. So, here comes the second part of the intro to the study.


In her book, Stormie lists 7 Steps to Emotional Health and they are as follows:

1. Release the Past: Confess to God the times you have failed and, by moving in full forgiveness, release the times others have failed you.


2. Live in Obedience: Understand that God's rules are for your benefit and try to the best of you knowledge to live His ways, knowing that every step of obedience brings you closer to total wholeness.


3. Find Deliverance: Recognize who your enemy is and remove yourself from anything that separates you from God or keeps you from becoming all He made you to be.


4. Seek Total Restoration: Refuse to accept less than all God has for you and remember that finding wholeness is an ongoing process.


5. Receive God's Gifts: Acknowledge the gifts God has given you and take the steps necessary to receive them.


6. Reject the Pitfalls: Avoid or get free of the negative traps and deceptions that rob you of life.


7. Stand Strong: Believe that as long as you stand with God and don't give up, you win.

She says that these are the seven steps that she took in her own life to be freed from stress, fed properly, exercised, nurtured, retained, exposed to freshness and light, and given rest in the area of her mind and emotions.

She also says "You will be able to do the initial work on each of these steps in a week or so, but making them a permanent part of your life takes longer. However, understanding them with your mind will influence the state of your heart, which will affect your emotions and ultimately your entire life."

In the Next Few Months (or however long): There will be information that will seem familiar, almost obvious, but don't overlook that. There will be information that is unfamiliar. You've never heard it before, or you have heard it but have never applied it to your own life. Still there will be information that will be uncomfortable. This is where I have the most difficulty. You may react to it by closing the book (That was me!) or neglecting to work through the process. Whether the hurt is from scars as far back as childhood, or just last week, you can be whole spiritually and emotionally. You do the choosing. God working in you, as you allow Him entrance, makes it happen in your life.

Before she closed this chapter she wanted us to take a second look at our lives from a different perspective. Remembering her definition of emotional health: having total peace about who you are, what you're doing, and where you're going, both individually and in relationship to those around you.

Think about who you are. Write a description of yourself int he space below. (Be sure to include who you are spiritually and emotionally.) I am a wife, mother, teacher, friend, lover, cook, cleaning lady (when that gets done), daughter, sister, in-law, cousin, grand-daughter. I am overweight, out of shape, and unhealthy (although I am working on being in shape and healthy). I am loving, compassionate, kind, forgiving, accepting, patient, fun, predictable and at times can be angry, bitter, easily agitated and self-destructive. I am on my way out of a rut spiritually and emotionally I seem like a ticking time bomb at times.

Do you have total peace about who you are? If not, then mention ways you might want to change. No, I don't want to be that time bomb that my husband/family has to be afraid of going off. I want and long to exhibit the fruits of the spirit, gentleness, patience, kindness, peace, humbleness and self control. I want to be so close to my Father in heaven that I know what He wants for me.

Now think about who you are in relationship to those around you: I am a wife, mother, coworker, minister's wife, church member. To some I am Ang, to others I am Angie, and to some I am Angela. I am Gonka to my brother, Annie to my mother and Little Angie to my Dad. I am a peace maker and a sense maker. To Carlton I am at many times that time bomb I mentioned earlier.

Are you at peace with who you are in relationship to others? If not, mention below the ways you might want to change in relationship to others: Some times yes and others NO. I don't want to be that time bomb, and sometimes I wish I was not just known as "The Youth Minister's Wife".

Think about what you are doing. Look back at the past week and month and year. Mention the activities that seem to consume most of your time:

• In the past week: vacation, kids, family
• In the past month: kids, family, work, church
• In the past year: kids, family, work, church

Are you at peace with what you are doing? If not, mention the ways you might want to change what you are doing in the future. Yes and No. I would like to spend more time bonding with my kids, telling them about God and showing them how He wants us to live. I want to be more serious about my job and I want to serve others more.

Now think about what you are doing and how it affects those around you. Are you at peace with the way you affect those around you? If not, mention the ways you might want to change the way you affect others. I feel that my lack of motivation is hurting those around me at work, at church and at home. It causes me to be a poor role model for my children, my coworkers, the kids in our youth group and it also causes a lot of tension and agitation between me and Carlton. No I am not at peace with this way of acting/living. I hope that prayer along with a study like this that guides my thinking in the right direction, I will be better at this. I pray that through all this my thinking will become right and I will be more in line with God's word.

Once again, that was a lot! I can not leave you though without posting a few scriptures. Look them up then think about the promises that God gives in each of them and what they direct you to do in your life.

Deuteronomy 32:39, Jeremiah 3:22, Jeremiah 3:17, Luke 4:18, and James 5:13-15

Next time we will look at Step 1: Releasing the Past: Confessing the times you have failed and, by moving in full forgiveness, releasing the times others have failed you. Now, if you are me, that doesn't sound all that great! I promise it will be hard, but like Stormie said in her book, "Do not forget that emotional and spiritual wholeness is a process that involves changing habits of thinking, feeling, or acting. These seven steps are not a quick fix, but a permanent way to transform your inner being."

Till next time!

"Lord I Want To Be Whole" - INTRO - pt1

Ok, here we go. Let me start off by saying this....I have to be honest and say that I do not know all the correct ways to "show" credit where credit is due when it comes to the blog world. SO here is what I will do during this study since it is not something that originated from my brain.

Any time there is something that is in italics then that is something that is said directly from Stormie's book, "Lord I Want To Be Whole" or from the workbook that goes along with this book. Anything else that I might grab from I will do so online and will link to that information. How about that?

All that said, here we go!

Yesterday I mentioned to you what Stormie's definition of emotional health was.
"having total peace about who you are, what you are doing, and where you are going, both individually and in relationship to those around you. In other words, it's feeling totally at peace about the pst, present, and future of you life. It's knowing that you're inline with God's ultimate purpose for you and being fulfilled in that."

In the workbook there are some questions in reference to this definition. I will list them and my answers may or may not be there...depends on whether or not it is just too personal.

1. List the moments in your past that give you peace and well-being when remembering them. My wedding day, sitting on Mema's couch while she rubbed my hand, the birth of my children, the day I went to college, when I first started going to church with Momma, hearing Grammy tell me that she DID know the Lord just before she passed away
2. Think about the moments that make you feel uneasy and agitated. List those moments. memories of Dad and my uncles fighting, memories of the rape and molestation and everything that surrounded them, all the lies, Mom and Dad's 1st divorce, memories of certain people, other's struggles with certain addictions, my own struggle with a self-abusive behavior
3. Look at your present. List the moments that give you a feeling of peace and well-being. hugging my children, being at church, watching my husband and children play, blogging, moments when I can be myself, when I, with the help of the Lord, overcome the urge to self-destruct
4. Look at the moments in the present that make you feel agitated and uneasy. List those moments. Making our house payment (the cost of living is much higher here than it was where we came from and our house payment makes me nauseous) when I make mistakes or forget things, when certain people are around Carlton, differing opinions on discipline at times, having not spoke to Dad since he and Mom split (back in September)
5. Think about the future. What events in the future might make you happy and at peace? List them. getting out of debt, watching the kids succeed, watching the kids come to know Christ, turning my home into that Santuary that has been mentioned in times past, having a home that is warm and inviting, getting Rachel potty trained, knowing that I CAN and WILL find peace
6. What events in the future might make you afraid and uneasy? List them. making another mistake in the checking like I made a few weeks back, looking ahead to the day that Dad and I finally talk about him and the drugs/alcohol, the overall thought of failure at something

Looking at the lists above, note the two most important events (the ones that make you feel the most uneasy and afraid) in the past, present, and future that you need to deal with as you go through this study and list them.


Wow....that was a lot for me. It took some time and some major honesty to write some of that down and there was still a thing or two that I just couldn't write on here. You can email me if you would like and I might share, but I just couldn't post it just yet! I'll make my list of the two most important from the past, present, and future for ME to look at since one or two of those things might be from what I didn't post here. You do the same.

After looking through the workbook I decided to split this introduction inot two parts. They both took some time when it came down to answering the questions she poses. And if you are as "emotionally messed up" (you notice I didn't say disturbed!) as I feel I am, then it might take you some time to sort too!

You don't have to post a comment that has all this information listed...you can do one of many things....journal it privately, blog it and then leave a comment letting me know so I can stop by, send me an email with it all IF you wish to share...or just simply leave a comment letting me know what you are getting out of all this so far. Just don't leave me hangin'. :)

The next part will define those 7 steps to Emotional Health that I mentioned in here. We will define each of those a little then do a little more reflecting on who we are as individuals.


Look up these verses in the meantime: Proverbs 16:1, Jeremiah 30:17a, Psalm 38:8, Psalm 23:3


I will be out of school for Thanksgiving break for a week, therefore, I will not be online! So I hope you have a great Thanksgiving and I will post part 2 of the introduction when I get back.

** I am going to try to figure out how to list my labels on the sidebar so that if you only come for this study, you can go straight to them without sifting through evererything else.

Happy Healing!

"Lord, I Want To Be Whole"

Have any of you done this Bible study? It's called "Lord, I Want To Be Whole" and it is written by Stormie Omartian, the author of all the "Power of a Praying______". I started this study some time ago, but got to a part that really took a lot out of me emotionally amd mentally and I just couldn't go on any further. Well, I think I am ready to go on now. Instead of picking up where I left off, I am going to start over. I want things to be fresh in my mind.

Here is what I am thinking about doing. As I go through this process I want to share it with you all so I will do a lot of my journaling here. There are some aspects that call for VERY personal redponses and depending on how I feel, or how the Lord leads, I may or may not post some of those personal responses. I don't know how to set up the "Mr. Linky" thing yet or anything, and quite frankly I don't have that much traffic coming through here either, but I will post some of the questions from the study and you can leave a comment when you feel led to do so.

This is a journey toward emotional healing for me. I hope that if this is something you need as well that you will join me. I don't know at what pace I will go, or how often a post will be related to this study yet, but I do know I feel led to share it somehow, so this is how I chose to share it for now.

Here is a little introduction to what will be discussed and hopefully learned!

Stormie wrote that her definition of emotional health was;
"having total peace about who you are, what you are doing, and where you are going, both individually and in relationship to those around you. In other words, it's feeling totally at peace about the pst, present, and future of you life. It's knowing that you're inline with God's ultimate purpose for you and being fulfilled in that."

This book also suggests 7 steps to emotional health:

1. Release the Past
2. Live in Obedience
3. Find Deliverance
4. Seek Total Restoration
5. Receive God's Gifts
6. Reject the Pitfalls
7. Stand Strong

I am going to take some time reviewing these seven steps tonight. Then tomorrow I will share a little description of each of them for you. I hope some of you, if you need it, will join me and not hesitate to comment.

Here's to emotional healing!