Bummed!

The majority of you do not know that I have a brother that has been in prison for the past 3 years. Back in 1997 or maybe 1998 he stole some Rolex watches from a house that he was exterminating. The value of the watches made his offense a felony. To make a LONG story short, he had spent some time in jail and had some probation to carry out. Well...he didn't do all he was suppose to do, and left the state with out permission, and then still didn't carry out his probation. Therefore, he was sentenced to prison to "pay" for his crime. The first year was really tough on him. Despite his blatant disobedience he does have a soft, tender heart and is one of the most compassionate people I know.

He spent a lot of that 1st year in an out of depression and a lot of it on suicide watch. At some point things started to click with him. I know that if you are still reading this you will probably think (like many) that this is a typical "prison conversion" story. My brother knew the Lord before all his trouble. He knew the power of prayer and had experienced it many times. BUT he failed to acknowledge that God could help him through EVERYTHING, until this time in his life.

He started reading his Bible and attending the church services at the various prisons he was moved to and even recognized bad theology a time or two and withdrew from some of those services. I TRULY believe with all my heart that he has changed. I BELIEVE that he has a relationship with the Lord that saved him.

Why am I bummed???? Well, let me tell you. He gets out of prison TOMORROW!!!!! So why should that bum me so much. The reason it does is because I can not be there to greet him. My mother and my aunt will be there to pick him up, but that is it! I would love to be there. So why can't I go? Well, to be completely honest.....I made some very bad mistakes in our finances. Carlton has so graciously taken over the paying of the bills and such so that we can get this all straightened out. It was so bad that I can't even tell you because of the embarrassment. And because it was so bad, I don't have the gas money to go to Huntsville. I am sure it would take at least a tank of gas and to fill up my car would be a good $55 to $60 these days. Not to mention I would need a little extra for gas when I got back to get me to the 10th of the month.

Why did I have to be so careless!!! He loves me and I know he will not think ill of me for not being there, but it would have been great to show him that support!

Thanks for "listening" today!

Angela

One of THOSE!

**Note*** After posting this, I went to Rocks In My Dryer to link it here to see that next week is "Backward's Day" I guess this should have been for next week, but I had to share it this week. I am sure there will be plenty to share next time!

This is not your typical WFMW post. I need some help here. This is also not a post asking you to pursuade me to become a stay-at-home mommy, 0r asking for advise on how to become one. I am a working mother and will probably be one until I retire. I like working even though there are times in my current job when I feel totally useless (and that isn't very satisfying), but there are also times when I almost envy the thought of being able to stay at home.

My children are just getting to the ages when "outside" activites start. Timothy took swimming lessons this summer and started soccer this year and Rachel has been in baby ballet since September. Not too much, but enough for me right now. (I know it only gets "worse")

Here lies my frustration. I want to be one of those mommies that can "do it all". One that can go to work in the morning, come home in the afternoon, go to events (however many there are), KEEP my house in order (not necessarily even "clean" just in order however in order and clean would be AWESOME), make meals for the family, do all the church events and still have some kind of time for myself. I want to be one of those mommies that can make the treat bags for the class party. I saw one of those mommies this morning going into the daycare and it kind of sparked this on today. I want to be that "room mother" for my kids one day. The one I remember seeing come in as a child with all the goodies. The one that planned a lot of those fun activities we did as a class.

There are days when I get home from work that I just want to crash. At the same time I know I still have dinner to fix, kids to bathe, books to read to little ears and prayers to pray. Where is the time to play? Not MY time to play, but I feel as if I never get to "play" with my kids. I feel as if all I do is feed bellies, clean bodies, and put them to bed. Sometimes as I mentioned months back, I even skip the reading part just so I can have some down time myself. Then I feel like this terrible monster for not wanting to read to my kids.

I need something that works for me here. I am not the best at organization. My house is a constant wreck, and I seem to be tired all the time. What can I do to make this better?

For more on WFMW head on over to Shannon's at Rocks In My Dryer .

Monday's Menu

Well, I just couldn't get it together last week! I blogged maybe once. I browsed other's blogs, but just couldn't get motivated to do much the rest of the week. So, without anything else said, here is my menu for the week:

Monday - Baked Chicken Supreme with mushroom rice and seasoned green beans

Tuesday - Roast with potatoes, carrots, onions and gravy

Wednesday - Fall Festival at the Church (whatever we find there or sandwhiches at home later)

Thursday - Taco Soup and Cornbread

Friday - Smoked Sausage, creamed spinach, and mashed potatoes

Saturday -Pork Chops, broccoli w/ cheese, and carrots

Sunday - Leftovers from the week

There you go. That's it! Head on over to The Organizing Junkie for more menu's.

Afraid to Love (pt.2)

A couple weeks ago I wrote a post titled Afraid to Love. Well, this week there have been several things to happen that opened my eyes a litte more and from that a wonderful conversation with my dear hubby.

I was at lunch with some coworkers on Friday. We were discussing some of the things that one of them are going through with an ex-husband's ex-wife and children. (crazy story) The jist was that the exwife had stormed into a local restraunt with the chilren and confronted an ex-boyfriend late at night and this coworker's comment was, "Talk about a front row seat on how to NOT handle conflict!" WOW....this just slapped me in the face.

NOT that I have ever or would ever storm into a restraunt with my children late at night to confront someone, BUT, her comment really struck me! All my life I have been around many people that have not handled conflict in a way that would come close to glorifying God. Uncles throwing things through windows, those same uncles physically fighting with each other and my dad, people manipulating each other to get what they want, children being "taken" from other family members by family members just to keep them safe, and the list goes on.....

There were SO many people who came and went. Family close to me and not so close. Coming and going, happy one minute and depressed the next. All this (though I thought I was not letting it) has shaped the way I have handled conflict and relationships. I know that this may not seem like some kind of "revalation" to many, but to me it was this weekend.

While at that lunch we discussed some of the things I had gone through as a child. I shared with these two women how what the one had said really made me stop and think. Then the other one asked, "Well has it made you handle things differently?" I had to look at them both and say, "It sure should have, and to some extent it has, but honestly, there are many times I act just like many of those people from my childhood!"

Saturday afternoon Carlton and I were in the living room and the kids were napping. I moved over to the couch where he was and told him that I needed to talk to him. I told him that some of what I had to say might sound a little "crazy" but that I had to say it and needed him to pray with me about it all. This is what I told him:

M - "I know this may sound a little silly, but for some time now God has been showing me that I don't love you as much as I could. He has also shown me that part of the reason for all that is because I have this fear that one day you will leave me. And why I feel that way I don't know."

C - "I know why"

M - " Well I know that my childhood and the recent split (the second one) of my parents has a lot to do with it. (C shaking his head) I have always known that you loved me and that you said long ago that you would be around for eternity, but there has always been something in me that has wondered if you really would. I think because of this, there has been a subconcious part of me that, when I get mad at you, tells me to be SO ugly just to see if you can or will put up with it all. I know all that sound sick and twisted, but I really feel that this is what God has been telling me these past few days!" "Also, this past week there have been times when I look over at you and I see you as I saw you back before we started dating, and when we got engaged. One day I felt that God was showing me that to remind me of the love I had for you then and to tell me that I could have loved you SO much MORE if I had allowed myself."

C - "Do you remember the day we went to Sonic? (way back before we really started dating) On that day, do you remember me asking you if you would marry me and how we joked around about it? I knew on that day that I would marry you. I knew on that day that we would be together for the rest of our lives. Do you also remember me telling you when we got engaged that you better be sure of this because I was not going to ever leave and you would be "stuck" with me for the rest of your life? It's kind of funny you told me all that because God has also reminded me this week of some of the different times I saw you back in college and how I looked at you then. I loved you then and I love you now, even though you have made it difficult from time to time. But I am sure I haven't made it the easiest either!"

We talked a while longer about it all and Carlton asked me what I planned to do about it now. Of course my answer was that I was going to, with the help of God and him, put down these walls and love him more.

I LOVE my boy! I covet your prayers ladies!

Mom of a girl???

I was checking the pages of a few people who recently left comments on my blog and came across this one over a Ima on (and off) the Bima! Check it out. It is an awesome video showing a glimpse of what we see in the media. How sad! Thank you Phyllis for sharing this.

$2.00 Milk!!!

Well, this is a really quick WFMW tip. Many of you who watch your budget and are super frugal may already know this, but I just found out! Yesterday we were out of milk at the house (had been for a day and a half!) anyway, after work I ran to the Kroger store that is just around the corner from my school to get milk. I went to the back and noticed that some of the milk jugs had $2.00 stickers on them that said "Manager's Special". I looked closer to see that the sell by date was Oct. 20th. Yesterday was the 16th and with the way we drink milk and the price it has been lately, I figured that I should jump on this. The only problem (for my household) was that these stickers were only on the 1% and skim milk jugs!!! However, we already drink 2% so I figured I would get the 1% and see if the hubby complains. If he doesn't then this works for me and I will be going to Kroger to get milk more often. It's on my way and it saves me almost $2!

Head on over to Rocks In My Dryer for more WFMW.

"I'm proud of you Mommy!"

For the past few weeks I have been putting off taking my car through the car wash. About 3 weeks ago I made a trip to see my mother and you know what that can do to a car.......the front was covered in bug guts and pieces! YUK!!! Anyway, every time Rachel passed by the front of my car she cringed and said, "Mommy, joos need to wash joo caw!"

Well, yesterday our district was let out early just so we could come back from 4:30 til 6:30 to meet with parents. SO, in my free time I ran some errands and one of those errands included getting my car washed! (Carlton was shocked!) When I picked up the kids from the daycare for some reason Rachel walked around the front of my car. (she never does that) In doing so she noticed that the bugs were gone and it led to this:

R - "Mommy did joo get joo caw washed?"

M - "Yes Rachel, I did! Please hurry and get in the car."

R - "Oh Mommy, I like it. I am so pwoud of joo!!!"

Then she ran around the side of the car where I was waiting and gave my leg a hug and a kiss. She can be so sweet! :) Oh, by the way...no timeouts yesterday, and she stayed dry all day at school!! WOOOHOOOO!!!!!!

Custom Silhouettes

If you haven't been to the Bloggy Giveaways site lately, you should go. There are a ton of great things you can sign up for and this is one of them. Head over to Simply Silhouettes browse around then go back to Bloggy Giveaways and enter you name in a drawing to win a 8" x 10" gallery wrapped custom silhouette canvas (that's an $80 retail value).

You know you had these made when you were a child in class and your parents/grandparents loved them. Prices are a little high for me right now, but they have some pretty neat stuff. I particularly like the canvases found in the room decor section. Go check it out!

These Days....

These days I keep coming across things that make me want to post, and post, and post....

I came across a post at a blogger friend's site Home Sanctuary Her name is Rachel Anne. I have come to determine that we are definitely kindred spirits! We think a lot alike in many ways. Her post today mentions the many different masks we all tend to wear. You need to check it out.

Another thing I wanted to do today that I almost forgot about was this:

I want to start posting my weekly menu here on my blog. I have noticed a few of the blogs I visit have weekly menus posted and I thought, "what better way to REMIND myself what is at home and waiting for me to fix it!" (Hopefully this will keep us from eating out so much!) And besides, when Carlton calls me at work and asks, "What's for supper?" I can look it up and tell him!!!! So here it goes:






Monday: Taco Ring

Tuesday: Buttermilk Chicken

Wednesday: Sandwhiches (or leftovers) or whatever is at church!

Thursday: Spaghetti and Meatballs

Friday: Parents Night Out....(where are you taking me?) :)

Saturday: Baked Chicken Supreme

Sunday: Meat Loaf

Ok...so let's see if I stick to this menu! I'll let you know!

For more Menu Plan Monday ideas, go visit the Organizing Junkie. On her side bar there is a section for Menu Plan Mondays. Click on that! I will have a better link for you next time!

"That's the girl I prayed for Momma!"

About 3 weeks ago Timothy had strep and I thought he might have an ear infection, so I took him to the doctor. While we were at the doctor's office we saw a little girl there with her mother and grandmother. Teaching special ed. I could tell that the little girl had Cerebral Palsy and was severly MR. Her mother was holding her up trying to get her to take some steps while she stood behind her. The little girl just looked around at everything in the room and showed no interest at all in what her mother was doing. Timothy took notice of this little girl. He watched her carefully then turned to me and said,

"Momma, what's wrong with her?"

I told him, "Well, Timothy, her body just doesn't work like your's and mine. She can't walk, or talk, or do any of the things you can do by yourself."

Then he said, "So is that why her Momma is helping her walk?"

I told him, "Yep, she is trying to teach her. She might not ever walk, but her Momma wants to show her how."

After that he just watched them a little longer and would look at me and grin from time to time. Later that night, when he was going to bed, he asked me about her again. When he said his prayers he ended with this:

"and God, help that little girl at the doctor's office to walk. Amen"

It put a lump in my throat. After he finished I told him that it was very nice and sweet of him to think about that little girl and that it made God happy for him to think about her and pray for her. Several nights later he prayed for her again.

Well, you may or may not believe this, but this Sunday, that little girl, her mother, her mother's brother, and her step-mother were all at church! We never mentioned to them that we went to First Baptist, or anything like that. Isn't it amazing how God works! WOW!!! They came with another family in our church that has a daughter that is MR and severly Autistic. They are neighbors of their's. The lady that is a member of our church said that the little girl's mother just popped her head in the window and said, "Can we go to church with you?" How amazing is that!!!!

When Timothy saw her, he said, "That's the girl I prayed for Momma!" Then I shared the story with them.

"Thank you Father for showing Timothy one way you can work through prayer!"

God Will Give You Balloons!

Hey all....cute story here. Last night Carlton and I both had some errands to run. So, we loaded up the kids in his truck and headed out. Carlton dropped Rachel and I off at the grocery store while he and Timothy went to LifeWay to get some things. While in the store, one of the attendants gave Rachel a balloon.

Before we left the house Carlton had taken the back window out of his truck and we were driving with all the windows down. (the temp was perfect here last night!) Anyway, on our way home Rachel was determined to hold her balloon herself. I tried to convince her that it might blow out since we had all the windows down, but she was determined so I left her alone. About halfway home Carlton needed to make a phone call so he rolled up all the windows and since the back one was still out it was pulling the balloon and the inevitable happened. The balloon flew out the back window and immediately she started crying.

The following is the conversation I heard coming from the back seat:

T - "Rachel, don't cry! Your balloon went up to heaven with God."

R- (crying) "I want my bawoon!"

T - "Rachel, God will give you a balloon. See, when you die and go to heaven He will give you one!"

R - (still crying) "but I want my bawoon!"

T - (heavy sigh) "Just a minute.....(pause)....(looking up and out the window) ....Dear God, Rachel's balloon went out of my Daddy's truck and came up to the heavens with you. Can you please give her balloon back to her, she is crying and sad. Okay, thank you God!"

T - (now turning to Rachel) Rachel, God said that one day when you die and go to heaven, he will give you a bunch of balloons!"

R - (still crying) "I want my bawoon"

T - "Okay Rachel, I have and idea. When we get home I have some balloons in mommy closet in the laundry room. I will blow one up for you, but you will have to hold it tight, becasue if you don't it will "super zoom"" (he has just learned how to blow up balloons, but not tie them, so when he lets go of them he says they "super zoom")

R - "Okay T!" (very high pitched and excited!)


When we got home I told Timothy I heard him talking to Rachel in the back seat and how sweet it was to hear him trying to make her feel better about her balloon. He looked at me, grinned, shook his head yes and said, "I know!"

HOW SWEET!!!!

Works For Me Wednesday

Ok, this a first for me. I have seen this on several of the blogs I "browse" through on occasion. For those of you who don't know this is Works-For-Me-Wednesday. It is sponsored by Shannon over at Rocks In My Dryer.

The idea is to share what works for you with the others so that we can all gather this huge bank of things that "work"! Don't you ever think, "I wish I knew how to ........." or "This is such a neat idea, I need to share it." Well you can do that through WFMW.

Have you ever used Fabuloso? I LOVE this stuff! I usually get it at Walmart, Target, or my local grocery store. My personal favorite is the Green Apple scent. (It comes in many different ones.) I use it on EVERYTHING (Except my wood floors that is.) I can use just a half cup or less of this stuff and my whole house will smell like green apples (for me that is) for a day and half! Sometimes I just like to put about a 1/4 cup of this in an old coffee cup and fill it the rest of the way with water, and set it on the bathroom counter or behind the toilet just to make the place smell fresh. A cousin of mine actually runs her mop slightly over her carpet before she mops the floors to "freshen" up her carpet. Our carpet is beige so I don't try this, but hers is dark so it works for her!

Many of those scented candles or plugins become too strong over time of being turned on or lit. But this stuff doesn't do that. The smell does deminish, but just a little at a time is all you need!

Well, that was my first WFMW. Hope you enjoyed!

DQ

Book Giveaway!

I saw this book on my friend Liz's blogsite this afternoon. You can enter your name into a drawing to receive one of these books. They are giving away 10 of them over at Biblical Womanhood.

Hurry up....the last day to enter for the drawing is Saturday, October 13th. The winner will be announced on Monday.

NO Time Outs!!!

WOOOHOOO!!! Finally a day where my baby girl does NOT get in time out one single time! The last couple of months have been terrible with her at school. I have not gone a day with out hearing, "Rachel was in time out ____ times today for hitting, biting, pinching, kicking, climbing or simply not listening." It has been a particularly hard two weeks with her. One day my poor child spent a total of 46 minutes in time out. That is 23 times in time out in one day!!! Friday was the worst. One time while in timeout, she took the chair and was pounding her hand with it, and the other time she bit herself! I wanted to cry. Praise God, for the breakthrough today!!!!

I spent the weekend talking to her, as well I could, trying to figure out why she was so mad. Then I talked with one of her Sunday school teachers last night at church. She told me that things had gotten better with Rachel in SS. I asked her what she meant. I had not heard of any "bad" behaviors in SS. Then she said that she and the other SS teacher had a "system" with Rachel. The system is that one of them is pretty much with Rachel one on one.

SO I started thinking. Rachel has some control issues. She always wants to do things when she feels like doing them. I have noticed that if I tell her, "Go to your room!" She flat out refuses. But if I say, "Rachel, you have a choice, go to your room, or sit on the couch" (either is acceptable) then she will choose wich one she wants. This is all a control thing.

I did a lot of reading today on strong willed children and she fits the bill! I definitely have one of those children. Now I just have to figure out how to raise this precious gift without damaging her spirit!

Any suggestions????? Our son is nothing like this. I am at a loss. I know there is going to be a lot of prayer involved, but do any of you have any practical suggestions.

Finally Free!

I hope this works...I am going to add a video of Nichole Nordemans. I don't know if you all have seen it, but it is to the song "Finally Free", the theme song for the Women of Faith tour this year. It is an awesome song that I hope to one day be able to sing and mean it from my inmost being! Enjoy!


Check out this video: "Finally Free" Music Video



Add to My Profile | More Videos

We're All Pumkins

I was browsing some of my links today and found this on another site. She said to pass it on, so I thought I would share it with you all!


Being a Christian is like being a pumpkin.

God lifts you up, takes you in, and washes all the dirt off of you.

He opens you up, touches you deep inside and scoops out all the yucky stuff-- including the seeds of doubt, hate, greed, etc

Then, He carves you a new smiling face and puts His light inside you to shine for all the world to see.



This was passed on to me from another pumpkin. Now, it is your turn to pass it to a pumpkin. I liked this enough to send it to all the pumpkins in my patch. Happy Fall!

HELP!!!!!!!!

OK...now I have really messed things up....I had to delete the other template I had (which was really cute) because it didn't allow any editing to the template and I could not see any of my links. (We all know I need to keep up with everyone!) Now that I switched over to one of these blogspot templates again, I can't get back to "layout" mode. SO now my profile and all of my links are down at the bottom of the page!!! How do I get back to layout mode??? Does anyone know???

HELP!!!!!!!!!!

Once Again

I am trying out new templates....however....with this one I think I have lost my links!!! I will have to check it out later...I have lunch duty today!!!!!!! UUGGGHHHH!!!!!!!!!! Pray for me specifically around 12:30 that is when the 8th grade lunch starts...they are terrible!

Afraid to Love?

Okay…the devil is really trying to stop me from blogging this entry today. For some reason from the moment I decided that I needed to write about this, I have not been able to get to my blog site. Imagine that!

Anyway, over the past week or so the Lord has really been showing me some things in the area of loving my husband and some of those things have been difficult to deal with to be honest.

I spent the weekend at the Women of Faith conference in Houston with a few women from the church. Honestly I didn’t even want to go after I realized that some of our youth were not going. I wanted to go to the Youth Ministers Wives Retreat that was being sponsored by Green Acres Baptist Church in Tyler. I have met some of the women that were a part of putting that together and I would have loved spending some time with them. BUT putting all that aside, the Lord really used that weekend along with a few other things to show me some things.

A lot of times I feel as if I am all alone in this little world of mine. I find myself in the big middle of a pity party a lot of the time and I seem to be the only one there (enjoying it). However I have found lately that I am not alone, I just thought I was.

I LOVE MY HUSBAND. I can say that a hundred times a day, but there are many times when I say it that I feel hypocritical! Honestly there are a lot of times when I feel so dark. I feel this way because when I tell him or anyone for that matter, that I love him, I don’t “feel” it in my inmost being. I think I am afraid to love. Does that make sense to anyone?

SO over the past week, I think the Lord has been showing me that the reason I am afraid is because I am afraid to feel this love just to "loose it". I see what my mother and many women I know have gone through or are going through and I don’t want to allow myself to feel the love that I felt once before. I see so many people getting hurt. I have been hurt myself from people I loved and although I can’t imagine my hubby doing anything to hurt me intentionally I have still built up this wall.

I know that this is not some deep blog entry or anything, but I really need your prayers! Because of all this junk, I have not been the kind of wife and mother that the Lord intended me to be. I have not been that “refuge” that a new blogging friend of mine over at http://www.homesanctuary.typepad.com/ talked about recently. I tell you, I don't want to be afraid anymore! I want to be that kind of refuge for my hubby as well as for my children. Right now I just feel like the one that they would all seek refuge from!