Timothy's Baptism, Bible, Exercise and Prayer

Well, when you think about the fact that I haven't been "here" in a long time, I have a lot to say, but I will try to make these posts "short & sweet".

Timothy was baptized this past Sunday. He was saved a while back, but we wanted to make sure he knew what baptism meant before he was actually baptized. He was beside himself once he found out that his Daddy would be doing the baptism. Maybe I'll get around to posting pictures soon!

As a gift for him, Carlton got him a new bible, a really nice bible, an actual leather bound study bible. Timothy loves this bible. He spent most of "nap time" reading it yesterday and has started reading it this morning already. He just said to me, "I wish we had some kind of 'quiet room' so I could go read this without getting distracted." (I'll tell you all in another post his interpretation of Romans 3:23-31 the other day....wow) My prayer for him is that he continues to hunger after the word like he is right now!

Pray for me! This job thing has really got me stressed. I am feeling all the heartburn and chest pain I felt back when I had the ulcers. I do not want to go through that again. I decided yesterday that some exercise would help, never mind the fact that I NEED to loose some weight! BUT yesterday, I did nothing! (imagine that!) This morning the kids and I headed to the track. We got there a little after 8 this morning to "beat the heat", made three laps and a group of boys from the high school and their coaches showed up. They took up 1/2 the track, so I loaded up the kids and left. UGH! I don't need excuses to not exercise, I have plenty in my arsenal already!! :)

Keep us in your prayers! The buyers for the house are still looking for insurance. They need the insurance before the Lender will start processing their loan. We did get someone to write us a "vacancy policy". So we are covered now. I praise God for that blessing and removing that piece of stress! Now if He'd just take that house off our hands and find me a job! I know He will!

Thank you all for your prayers!

I think I'm Back!?!

Let me say, this has been a CRAZY 3 months! It has been a very trying time. My patience, endurance, faith and health have all been tested.

From March til the first weekend of June, I was in Nederland and the rest of the family was in Blanco. I continued to work there so that we would have my salary through the summer in case we still had the house in Nederland to sell. Carlton and the kids came to Blanco so he could get started at the church. We made the decision for him to bring both kids because we knew there would be help for him here and we wanted them to stay together for their emotional well being. At the same time, it was very hard on them for me to be gone. It broke my heart each time I had to leave. All but the time I got sick, I came back each weekend. The drive was terrible at times, but it was worth it when I got here.

I am a "worrier" (I know we aren't suppose to worry). I worried about the kids, about Carlton, about my family....

Later I could really see the hand of God in our decision. I had some really hard things to go through that neither of us would have ever foreseen. I know I mentioned a while back that I was asked to take on the task of starting a class for students with Autism at my school. As soon as I got back from moving the family to Blanco, I was informed that one of the parents had given a list of complaints to a supervisor. Only 2 of the complaints had anything to do with the classroom and were things that were fixable, but there were many more against the district. Because of these complaints, the parent didn't want me left alone with her child. This really hurt me on a personal level since I had spent a lot of time with this parent and felt a "bond" of sorts. BUT I went on with teaching and making the suggested changes.

The student's behavior was a difficult one. One that was very trying everyday, and MANY times throughout the day. Behaviors escalated, rumors were started, the aides in my classroom were not supportive, and all this led to a suit against the district. Not against me personally, but against the district.

In all my years of teaching I have NEVER been in such a situation. I have had trouble with aides before, but never malicious, backbiting, hateful aides. FORTUNATELY I had a very supportive administration and several co teachers who knew the truth. But through it all, the driving back and forth, the worrying about the family, the mess at school, I ended up in the ER one night to find out that I had developed an ulcer. I was very sick for several weeks.

I am now in Blanco with the FAM and I am loving Blanco. I am still looking for a job and we are still trying to sell the house. We do have an offer on the house right now, but due to some insurance issues, we are having a difficult time getting it sold. As well as, because of these issues, our insurance company dropped us in January, I thought another one picked us up in March, but they didn't and now the mortgage company has slapped their own insurance on the house and our payment went up $600.

God has got to intervene here! We can't afford that increase and the stress of it is killing me! I have been so ugly to my kids over the past couple of days and this is NOT me!!

OK....I am rambling now...I have SO much on my mind and this is really turning into a book! SO, I think I will stop for now. Please pray for us...those of you who haven't given up on me ever posting again! :)

Praise God!

What a crazy few weeks this has been! Now I feel I can share more of the details with you about what God has been doing. I have been pretty silent here because;


1. I have been using this time to pray.

2. I just didn't feel I should share too many details.

3. I was waiting to see what God was going to do.

Well, He is showing Himself to us in so many ways! As of this past Sunday, Carlton is the new youth minister at FBC Blanco. If you don't know where that it is...you can google it, but it's in the Texas Hill Country....beautiful! I still don't have a job there so things are going to be a bit strange for a little while.

Two days after C was asked to resign, a friend of his sent him an email. That email read something like,

"hey man, I don't know if this is something that will work out or not, but
my home church in Blanco is looking for a youth guy. I called the chairman
of the committee and shared a little of your situation with him. He is a
Godly man and I think you will enjoy talking to him. I will send them
your resume. Not sure if this will work out or not, but I think it would be
a good fit."

That was back on Jan. 13th or 14th and now we are here. God has really blessed us through all this. We spent some time one day in our living room with the chairman of that committee. We had a really good visit. About a week later he called and asked if we could come there for an interview with the committee. So we packed up the kids and headed that direction. It was a BUSY weekend (of which they teased the chairman about for a while...we had something scheduled for every waking moment of the day!) :) Then in about a week, he called again to see if we would come back "in view of a call". So, once again, we packed up the kids and headed to Blanco.

That weekend we met with a few more people, Carlton shared his testimony and his philosophy of ministry, we had lunch with some of the youth, then headed home. The church waited a week (because that's what their bylaws say to do) (good ole' church bylaws!) then they voted. The vote was 106 for and 4 against (you almost always have a few against...those that always vote that way... :) ) That vote took place this past Sunday!

During all this, God has allowed us to grow closer as a family. He has allowed us to teach our children about faith, His provision and His protection all at a personal and up close level.

Movers will be at our house TOMORROW to pack us up and move us out and we are excited. Well, there are some glitches.....I still don't have a job there. SO, I will go to Blanco this weekend to help unpack (the kids rooms and the kitchen are my MAIN goal), then I will go to church, have lunch with my family, then get in my car and make the 5 hour trip back to Nederland.

I am getting a lot of advice/opinions on this right now. "How can you be that far from the kids?" "I think you should just quit your job and go." "You can make it on his salary alone." "How are you going to do this?" "What about the kids?"

Trust me, those are all things we thought about. But the truth is, we have always been a 2 income family, and you can't just go from 2 to 1 within a couple of weeks. The sell of our house is going to almost delete our debt, with the exception of one vehicle, and possibly part of the other one (but not much of it), and after that, we could possibly surrvive that way, but to be honest, if I have a job, I want that job.

I struggled with that for a very long time. (being a SAHM) (over a couple of years) Did I want to stay home with my babies? ABSOLUTELY....but as they got older, they loved the daycare. They loved playing with the other kids, and doing all the things they did there. Did I love some of the behaviors they picked up while they were there? NO, but we used those things as teaching tools. I don't want to get into the whole "working mom vs SAHM" thing....I admire those women who do stay at home. I use to envy them! But after my summers at home, I need to get back to work. My work, at school. Its what I feel called to do. How many people do you know feel CALLED to work with Special Ed. kiddos; kids that kick at you, yell at you, hit you, bite you, curse at you, call you evil(even though you are far from it), jr. high and high school kids that need help going to the bathroom, that have a tracheotomy or a feeding tube, that seize 15 to 20 times a day. Not many people feel CALLED to do those things, but I do! I love these kids and they deserve to have some to love them.

Please don't get me wrong....MY FAMILY COMES BEFORE THEM, and if God opens something up there for me, these kids will quickly become a memory to me, but until then, I will serve them.

OK, that's enough of that.

God is working so fast. We put a sign in the yard on Monday evening. The realtor took pictures Wednesday morning. We had one person look at it yesterday and 3 are scheduled for this afternoon. God is so good! His timing is perfect! I just know that this house will be sold in no time. SO, now I need to pray for a place to stay in the meantime!

Through all this I will say that God has allowed at least one of us (Carlton and myself) to remain calm. In his moments of panic, I am calm. In my moments of insanity and near breakdown, he is calm.

God is good! I can't say that enough!

God's Bigger Picture and Some Faith

So, do I know what's in His bigger picture yet? Not exactly....but do I know that He is faithful and that He is our provider and protector....Yes I do.

God is doing so much in our lives right now. He has changed our hearts on so many different things. He keeps reminding me that He is in control and we are not.

Today I visited a couple blogs I had not been to in a long time, and one of those was Rachel Anne's, and this is the post she had today. The verse she posted about was one that I have read many times over the past couple weeks.

Psalm 31:14-15 "But I trust in you O, Lord; I say, "You are my God." My times are in Your hands."

What a comforting verse. Has fully trusting Him been easy? No, because honestly I haven't fully trusted Him in a long time. I have trusted Him in the little things, in the things that I still felt I had some kind of control over, but to be quite honest I haven't had anything happen in my life that I had to FULLY trust in Him for, or at least that I realized anyway.

I have learned even more so that His ways are higher, and that they are definitely NOT mine. Would I have chosen for us to leave this church so abruptly? No. Would I choose to have 3 months to repair the house and get it sold? No. Would I choose to watch my 6 year old cry when he finally realizes that moving doesn't mean to another house, but instead it means far away? No.

There are many other things I will share about this experience God is allowing us to go through once I feel it is appropriate, but for now I will say that God is teaching us a lot about dependence on Him, a lot about faith, a lot about His provision and hearing His voice.

God is blessing us! We give Him the glory for all He has done so far and once a little time has passed I will share those blessings with you all.

Now, for the FAITH part...

Once more I ask you all to pray for the house. The work started today. We were given money from a friend to pay for the plumbing, but we still need money for the foundation and the repairs to the inside of the house.....and we need it NOW. This is one of those things we have been having faith about. We don't know where it is coming from yet, but we know God will provide. To be exact, we will need about $2500 within the next week and a half.....and we have no idea where it is coming from.....only God does!!!!

Faith is sometimes scary.....but "without faith it is impossible to please God..." Hebrews 11:6.

We are human!

"We are human!"

This is one phrase that I feel we all use WAY too often. One that when I hear it, I often think..."SO, what's your point!" Don't we have the Spirit living in us? I know we are NOT God and will never be as perfect as Jesus, but why do we use this phrase so unconcernedly. Please know that I am not saying that I have never or will never use this phrase, nor do I condem others who do, it just something I have struggled with in the past couple weeks when I've heard it. This is a phrase my hubby and I could have chose to use just a few weeks ago, but instead, chose to tell the truth and own up to our mistake, confess our sin, seek forgivness and repent.

My friends, the past three weeks have been very

shocking......trying......testing.....emotional.....sad..... confusing.....tiring.....

and full of

searching....seeking....listening....praying.....hoping....healing.....repenting....

I have wanted to post about all this since it started on Jan. 11th, but God
has not allowed me to until now.

On January 11th, the kids and I stayed home from church because they were both a bit under the weather. My dear hubby went to the morning services, came home, then left around 4:00 to prepare for a meeting he had that evening. But before his meeting he was asked to attend a deacon's meeting around 5:00 or so. Anyway, right around 6:00 that evening he walked into the house. The kids had not napped, so as soon as he came in, I automatically started telling him,

"They are about to get up, eat dinner, then go to bed!"

Then it hit me.....what was he doing home???????

I looked at him and said, "What's wrong?"

He looked down, and said, "I need to talk to you." Then pointed to our bedroom. Immediately my heart began to pound in my chest for I saw the tears in his eyes. I know my husband, so I knew this couldn't have anything to do with infidelity or anything like that, but I couldn't imagine what would have him so upset, and home early from church.....Did someone die? Is someone seriously hurt?.....WHAT was going on???

I sat on our bed and he started talking.....

"I was asked to come to the deacons meeting." (me shaking head) "When I got there, there were only 5 of them (I am leaving out names) so I knew this was not good." (me asking "WHAT? Did they fire you??" not thinking they would've) "Yes, they did. (insert tears and loud crying)" (Me asking all the who, what, when, where, why, how soon questions....) Then the explanation came...

Hubby told me that when he entered the room they told him that our tithing record had been brought to their attention and that we had not tithed in the past year. Then they asked hubby if that was true, and why. He told them it was and shared with them a few reasons why things had been difficult, the house, medical stuff for the family (all the while knowing it didn't really matter ...). Then one of them pulled out a piece of paper with a resignation letter already written and told him that since this was true, they were asking for his resignation, effective immediately. He asked them if any grace could be given and one of them told him, "I am sure God will show you grace, it just won't be here." (those words still ring in my ear....but God is working on that!) They proceeded to tell him that with this resignation there would be 3 months severance, but if he decided to push the issue, they would be forced to fire him and he would loose the severance. Not wanting to risk loosing the severance, he signed the letter, handed them his keys and walked out.

He came home, we talked and sat in shock...................

There were many moments of my dear hubby and I asking God questions and saying things like, "How could we be so stupid? How could we let this happen to our family? How could we do this to You? God, please forgive us!"

Then there were questions and statements from both of us like, "What are we going to do with this house? We can't live here past March. What are we going to do? The foundation and plumbing are still NOT fixed, we can't sell it like this. What are people going to think? What are we going to do? What are we going to do? What are we going to tell everyone? How do we tell them? When do we tell them?

We were not given the option of going before the church to explain, or give reason for leaving. So hubby and I decided that the only thing we could do is wait until we were asked by others, then tell the TRUTH. "We were asked to resign because we had not tithed in 2008." That was the truth, and that is what we told others when we were asked.

The phone calls started that evening and hubby left his comments to what I stated above. He kept all his personal feelings about how things were held to himself. The others vented about it all, and everyone that called found it absurd that they would ask for his resignation so quickly.

Many of them asked us questions like, had anyone brought this to your attention before now? Had anyone asked you before now if things were ok, if you needed any help getting back "on track"? Did they tell you to take a couple months to get "caught up" then we will revisit this issue with you?

Our answer to those questions...."No, they didn't. Ultimately, we sinned, we are in the wrong. Do we like this, no, but what they accused is true."

When some told us, "we met with______ and gave them/him a piece of our mind....." I was very proud of how hubby responded....he simply told them, "I know you did what you felt like you needed to do, but I must be honest with you and tell you I find no joy in that." We know that ultimately this is a consequence of our sin. Do we like how it all came about, or how it was handled......no we don't, but does God like the fact that we have robbed from Him.....no He doesn't........

Through all this, GOD is teaching us SO much. HE is blessing us! I will share more about that in the next couple of days.

I ask one thing from you all.....Please pray for our house. We are finally getting everyone lined up to do all the work. Then it will go immediately on the market where our realtor really thinks it could have a contract on it in 30 days if not sooner! SO PRAY!!!

More in a day or two!

Two Shall Become One

Please go on over to Sue's place today at Praise and Coffee. She writes a post every Tuesday titled "Two Shall Become One" and today really spoke to me!

Satan attacked me last night after I wrote the post below, and I let him win! But in the end the victory will not be his....

Hurricane Ike!

Well, we may not be making the best decision here, but as for now we are staying. No, we don't have a false sense of security, but we know things will be okay. Many people around us are staying as well. They called a mandatory evacuation, however, it was too late for me. The traffic from other areas coming into Houston was already too much for me to imagine driving through. We wouldn't actually go into Houston to leave, but that only meant that there was just as much through our little towns!

NOT GONNA DO IT!!!! Did it a couple weeks ago and I even had a little bit of a head start. It was terrible.

The main thing they are saying is that we will be hit with what would be similar to a cat 1 hurricane. I know it could get worse, but we are still staying! SO, pray for us. Pray for the kids.....I really don't want them to be too scared.

Trapped!

Do you ever feel trapped? I know that seems kind of harsh, but sometimes it's just how I feel! Being a minister's wife is not always the easiest thing in the world. But I also think about other women, like coaches wives, and others....I bet they feel the same thing sometimes.

The reason I say this is because there are times when I just want to get away and it just isn't possible. For instance, next week Carlton is taking some of the youth on a trip. An over night trip to go tubing. I entertained the thought of going with them and asking someone to watch the kids. I even went so far as to call someone this time. BUT then last night it hit me.......Rachel has one more ballet class on the Wednesday we would be gone and it is the last one before dress rehearsal on Friday. So, when I mentioned this to Carlton, he said, "Ask them if they would take her." So I was planning on doing that......although, inside I TOTALLY felt like I was imposing enough already!

But then another thought crossed my mind this morning......SWIM LESSONS...... I had promised the kids they could take swim lessons. After getting to school and checking the session dates, it looks as if the only time they could go is June 9 - 18. SO, that would mean asking someone to not only take Rachel to ballet, but to also take the kids to swim lessons two days.......I just can't do that!

Being married to someone whose job moves you around and keeps you away from family is not always the easiest thing! I LOVE what we do...... I LOVE ministering to students......I don't really mind the moving around part either......however, in times like this, it sure would be nice to be closer to "home".

The 2 Pound Challenge!!

So as you all know, I have had that little weight loss ticker on the side bar for some time now. Well, I need to go change the information, because I believe I have gained back the little bit of weight I lost, so don't be suprised if you look over there and it has moved back to it's starting point. Between all the prednisone, and stress eating I have done in the past several weeks I am sure it will be back at the start. On a positive note, I don't believe I have ADDED any weight!

Anyway, the hubby posed a challenge to me the other day. He calls it "the 2 pound challenge". (Kind of like the million pound challenge that is going on, but more tailored to the two of us!) We both need to loose weight so this will motivate us both. His deal is that we strive to loose 2 pounds a week and the first person to 10 will get to buy a new outfit!!!! To most men that wouldn't be much of a prize, but you don't know my hubby! HE LOVES TO SHOP!!! More than I do, and just about as much as most women in the US!!!! (and he won't kill me for telling you that, because it IS true!)

We both have at least 30 pounds to loose, so that could be 3 new outfits! However I did tell him that if/when I loose 30 pounds, whether I am the first or not, I will need a whole new wardrobe!!! He didn't say anything, but I bet if I loose 30 pounds he will gladly hand over his credit card!! :)

Anyway, I am off to change the ticker......kind of sad and depressing, but times are changing, and things will get better!

Here's where things are.....

We, I went back to the Allergist/Immunologist this morning. He tells me, after studying my case history from my family doctor and all the lab results that he doesn't think that I had a "true" angioedema. He told me my glucose levels were high and that he thinks that it is all related to kidneys!

I can't help but feel that I am on some wild goose chase here!

I asked for copies of the test results and have spent the last hour or so looking up information. I am going to ask that the blood tests be repeated in a week. That way all the medications (mainly the steroids) are out of my system. The steroids didn't affect the glucose tests, but they could have affected all the others. My white blood cell count was 18.5 and normal is 3.8 - 10.8. There were other parts to the white blood cell count that were VERY high as well. But even the doctor said that could have been related to the steroids. The other set of tests that were elevated were related to the kidney. They were not extremely high, but high enough to concern him. However after looking online, they could have been high because of the steroids as well.

The only number that concerns me is the glucose. The number was not high enough to diagnose diabetes, but was high enough to definitely diagnose pre-diabetes. And since I am currently 25 - 30 pounds overweight, and I had two children that were over 10 pounds (yes I know....OMG!!) then that does put me at a higher risk for developing diabetes. And not to mention that I have had to go to the bathroom A LOT in the past couple of weeks......I have even been waking up at night to go......

The kidney thing does concern me a little since I did read online today that those who have a horseshoe kidney (like myself) do have a higher risk for renal cell carcinoma and hydronphrosis.....however I do not have ANY symptoms of these things.....except for the elevated levels.....that could be a result of all the steroids.

So, still a matter of prayer.

My posts from this point on will not be related to all my AILMENTS!!!! Until I know more from doctors. But I WILL keep you all posted if something comes up! I am just so tired of dealing with it all, and I need to find BETTER, more uplifting things to post about!!! :)

Love you all!

Spoke TOO soon!!!

Ok, many of you had been asking how I was feeling and as of Monday morning I was feeling much better. A little bloated from all the Prednisone, but better. Then came my drive home.....

On the way home I called and talked to my mother for a few minutes. After I got off the phone, I started noticing a tight feeling in the muscle under my chin. Then within seconds there was a numbness in my face. Do you remember going to the dentist and having that mask with the "laughing gas" put on your face? Do you remember the way your nose and mouth started feeling a little numb? Well, that is exactly how my face felt! My gums even felt like they had rubbed some of that cherry flavored numbing gel on them. VERY WEIRD!!!!

SO, I called my hubby (yes I called him first...I was a little freaked out by it all) then called the doctor's office. After explaining to 3 or 4 different people what was going on, they told me to come on in to the office. (little did they know I was parked outside about to come in ANYWAY!)

I got in, explained what was going on to the doctor, and he was completely dumbfounded! He actually told me he had no idea what was going on. He looked in my mouth and could see where the floor muscles were swollen. He ordered a lot of blood tests (of which he said would take a few days to come back), made me give a urine sample (of which came back fine) and gave me ANOTHER steriod shot in the hip! (That's the 3rd one in less than two weeks now mind you!) Then he had his nurse call the Allergist/Immunologist's office and tell them that I needed in there to see them the next day.

Finally, at noon on Tuesday, they called and wanted me there at 1:00. SO I headed on over. ALL they did was take more blood and told me to come back in a week to go over the results! I was not pleased with this doctor nor his nurse practicioner. Maybe because I am so tired and worn out, but they were not very informative. All he really said was that it didn't sound like a true "angioedema" but that it sounded like it could be something "metabolic". He didn't seem to want to expand on that, and I was too tired, physically and emotionally, to ask anymore questions.

I figured I will have to go in to see him next Tuesday and I will have a list of questions for him when I do!

Just continue to pray for me!

On another note....Rachel's speech evaluation went really good! She did wonderful and they told me that they saw nothing that couldn't be corrected without some good modeling at home! They bragged about how intellegent she is for a little 3 1/2 year old. I told them that I think she hides that intelligence from me sometimes! HeeHee....not really....I knew she was very smart for her age, I was just a little concerned about her language and how it was affecting her behavior. They were all in agreement that her language was well above normal and that she is just a strong-willed stubborn child! :) (all said in love of course!)

So, just pray for her and us as we continue on to learn how to raise this very strong-willed stubborn child of ours......

Crazy Times!

Well, talk about a crazy couple of days it has been!

First of all, Timothy's eye appointment lasted 3 1/2 hours yesterday! But he did great! The doctor said that he is a little farsighted, but that it was within normal range for his age. Something to watch, but not to be concerned about just yet. She also said that his "wondering eye" is nothing to be too concerned about yet either. She said that with some kids they do that when they are trying to focus on something but if it ever happened and didn't go back to the normal position, within a few seconds, then that would be something to be concerned about. SO, all is well where that is concerned.

Now, here is where things get a little crazy. Yesterday morning I woke up and stepped on the scale. (my usual routine in the morning) As the numbers were flashing I was thinking, "What the heck...this is taking a little longer than usual!" When they stopped, the scale read 158. I had weighed the morning before and the scale read 148. SO, I thought that maybe for some reason it was having a bad morning and tried it again. It was consistent and once again read 158. I knew I was a little constipated, but come on....10 pounds worth....I don't think so!

That's when I also started noticing that I felt as if my whole body was bloated. My rings were tight on my hands. My face felt really "puffy". My calves felt tight, and my tongue felt like it was too big for my mouth.

I told Carlton about it all, and he shook his head and said...."Every morning it is something." I agreed with him and then KINDLY let him know that I WISHED it wasn't! He wasn't being a jerk here, just a little insensitive. But who could blame him....he was right!

SO, being the dedicated teacher I am, I headed on to work.....we have TAKS testing going on right now and I couldn't just call in the morning of the first day of tests and say I wasn't coming in.....well, I could have.....others did, but I just couldn't! I figured, if it gets worse I will call the doctor and then leave early.

I got to school, had the nurse check my blood pressure and all was well. One of my coworkers came in and said, "Angela, I am not trying to be rude but you look like you put on some weight over night!" I told her about the 10 pounds and she didn't feel so bad! I had only taken about 5 days of prednisone for the rash on my arm so I didn't think it could be that was having some kind of withdrawal from it, or that the weight was a direct result of it since it happened over night but started becoming concerned that I might be having an allergic reaction to the prednisone.

So I called the doctor's office. Most of the day had gone by at this time and my kids were all done testing. The nurse and I talked a little and she said that if I noticed any of the symptoms getting worse, or if any new ones occurred to call back or come in to the office. SO, about an hour later, new symptoms occurred. I couldn't really feel my lips and my tongue felt like it was getting bigger. So I called to let them know I was headed in and left work!

By the time I got to the office, I could still breath, but it felt like my tongue was touching my epiglottis. And sure enough as my doctor looked in my mouth he told the nurse I was going to need a shot NOW! I am sure my eyes got as big as oranges for a second or two!

He told me that after having this rash on my arm, the hives I had a couple weeks ago, and now this, he was sending me to an Allergist/Immunologist within the week. I do not know what causing my body to "fire up" but something is and honestly I think it might be something at my house! But I can't think of anything new that would be causing it!

This is all so crazy.....just pray we figure it all out soon. In the mean time I am on a combo of meds...Benadryl, Zyrtec, Prednisone, and Pepcid along with carrying an Epi Pen for emergencies.

If its not one thing its another!!!

Oh, there was more drama today concerning TAKS testing and teachers and students....but I will save that for tomorrow....to see if anything else happens to add to it, but for now I will tell you it involved teachers yelling at other teachers as if they were students, students fighting and one student being cuffed and removed from campus for hitting the principal!

PRAY FOR OUR KIDS!!!!!!!!

MORE updates!

First of all, if you haven't read my post below this one....titled Surrender....go read it....and visit the other blogs that I link to, they are really good!



Ok, now for updates....



Rachel - We went to the ENT on Wednesday. We discovered that the tube that we thought was still in her right ear was not there any longer. As a matter of fact, it was rolled up in a ball of wax that was literally the size of my pinkie finger nail (the pink area that is)! After they pulled that ball of wax out they sent us down for the hearing tests. In doing the tests we discovered that she does have about a 45% hearing loss in that right ear. The doctor later informed us though that the loss should be reversible once we get rid of the thick fluid that was build up behind the ear drum.



That's right......thick fluid!



Obviously we had tubes put in her ears the first time because of this fluid. SO, what's next.....Well, the doctor has us giving her Zyrtec every day for 30 days. Instead of jumping into a second set of tubes, he would like to see if this is just an allergy issue. IF after 30 days the fluid is STILL there, then we will look into another set. And if we do put in another set, then he will also remove her adenoids and her tonsils. Her tonsils have always been big, just like my mother's. They literally look like quarters in the back of her throat. And if they do this, he will draw some blood to do allergy screenings.



SO what does that say about her behavior....



Well, to me it says this.....If she has had this issue off and on for months (or longer, maybe even since she got the tubes) then this could be a large factor in her language/speech delays. If her frustration is linked to the fact that she doesn't feel understood, then this is something I, and speech/language therapy, can work on with her. It also says to me that some of the behaviors could be because she has felt all this pressure in her little head from the fluid build up and it has caused some these behaviors. I know that when I have a lot of sinus pressure I don't want to be messed with...do you?



Knowing all this sets me a little more at ease with all these behavior issues.....this is something that would be a lot easier to deal with than if it were all some kind of behavior disorder.



Now, for my GYN visit.........



Well it seems that my uterus is completely retroverted. It lays so far back that it sits on my rectum....I know that may be a little TMI for some. Because of this, my cervix is very tilted too and when hubby and I, well you know...... then his you know.....it hitting my cervix which causes so much pain at times that all action has to cease! We have tried all kinds of different things to make it better, but nothing really seems to help. This, on top of several other "hormonal" issues I have makes a hysterectomy sound really good to me right now. It all comes down to a "quality of life" issue to me.

We have two beautiful children. I have had two "chemical" pregnancies and this new doctor agreed with me that with this retroverted uterus, I could possibly have more if I were to "try" to get pregnant. However, the possibility is the same either way. The problem with a hysterectomy for me is not "having it all removed", the problem is that it can not be done the easy way.

What I mean by that is I can not have it done laproscopically. Back in college we discovered that I have "pelvic kidneys". My kidneys are fused at the bottom and are pulled forward into the pelvic area. They lay parallel to the ground right under my belly button......I know....FREAK!! (That's what my hubby says!!)

Because of this, I can not have laproscopic procedures, however, I didn't realize this until I visited this doctor. No other doctor had ever told me this before. SO, since this is the case, the only time I can "afford" to have this kind of surgery would be during the summer, when I already have time off. HOWEVER, we all know that a YOUTH MINISTER's busiest time is during the summer!

Just pray for me.....I'm a little bummed about it all. I know that all things happen for a reason. Maybe God wants to bless us with another little angel...who knows. The pain is not so much that I can't function, but it gets a little burdensome on hubby if you catch my drift! But he is a good man, and very understanding!

My brain is so scattered right now and things are starting to feel as if I am rambling....

Oh, pray for Timothy....his eye appointment is tomorrow at 1:30. I'll let you know about that later.

Surrender

I just came back from here ,an acquaintance from college, Angel is an awesome person and sometimes I don't think she actually realizes how awesome she really is! Just like many of us, she is just trying to do what God has called her to do and in the meantime she is sharing it with all of us, and for that I am very thankful!

Every morning I log on to this computer, check my email accounts and then quickly browse through many of the blogs on my sidebar. (of which later I will be adding Wendi...another UMHB Alumni!) Anyway, they are in alphabetical order, so as you can see, Angel is # 2 at this moment in my "blog life". So, as I started to "scan" her blog this morning I got stuck!!! (once you start reading her blog you will understand what I mean....sometimes you can't just "scan" it!)

First of all, she is adopting a sweet baby girl from China. You can read all about that on her blog. So, the first post I saw this morning was one in which she was showing all the stuff she was packing up for her upcoming trip to go get this precious baby girl. Then I started scanning the next few posts and since I , for some reason, can't view video's here at work, I just scanned over them until I came to this one, and this is where I got stuck!!

I am not currently reading the book she mentions here but the title of the book is Dangerous Surrender by Kay Warren. It sounds like an EXCELLENT book and I hope to read it soon.

I STRONGLY encourage you to read HER post about the chapter she just read and what she got out of it. I am not going to even try to restate everything she had to say, but I did want to share with you what I got out of it as I read her post.

My "red pill" moment came a couple years back when I decided that the experiences I had growing up (the rape and self-abusive behaviors, the "yoyo divorce" my parents had, the addictions my dad faces still today, and every thing else....which was a lot) would help me to minister to young girls. However, giving up my "dime store pearls" for the real thing and allowing God to use the "cheap" stuff in my life to bless others has not been easy. It never is, for most of us anyway. I still keep finding myself with that red pill in my hand ready to swallow, but getting a bit choked on it!

Ok, I said I wasn't going to do this, but I just had to add this quote in here right now! It was taken from Kay's book:

After a month of anguished wrestling with God, I reached a point at which I had to make a conscious decision. Would I retreat to my comfortable life and to my settled plans, pretending I didn't know about the HIV/AIDS pandemic and the millions of orphans? Or would I surrender to God's call and let my heart engage with a cause I was pretty sure would include buckets of pain and sorrow? I didn't know what would happen if I said yes to this increasingly strong urge to engage- what did "engaging" even mean? I felt like I was standing on the edge of a giant precipice; I couldn't go back, and yet the way forward looked like stepping into a void.

The moment of decision came. With eyes closed and teeth clenched tightly, I finally said yes. The second I did my heart broke, and I was SHATTERED.....

I bolded the part that really hit me. If I am truly ready to take that red pill, then I am about to step into a world that will "include buckets of pain and sorrow". OUCH!! I sit here shaking my head, letting out heavy sighs, with a wrinkled brow, knot in stomach and huge lump in my throat as I reread and type!

I feel that there are SO many girls out there that are suffering. They either grow up in homes where the family is all "together" and everyone pretends that "all is well" (I say pretends because we all know that there is NOT one perfect family out there!). Or they grow up in a home where no one is there for them and they feel all alone. They all want to reach out to someone but feel as if there is no one for them to reach.

My family may have been a little "messed up" at times, but I know they loved me. Many of these girls feel that same way, but many of them don't even get to feel the love. My heart aches for those girls. Those are the ones that society "uses". They get beaten down from all angles. They beat themselves up while others are doing the same. They end up pregnant or in loveless relationships. They are the ones pretending all is well, but falling apart inside. She might be the girl sitting next to you at church, bathed, well dressed, singing in the church choir and active in every ministry you offer. OR she may be the girl that you see at the mall that you avoid eye contact with because you aren't too sure about her. You don't know if she is dressed the way she is because she belongs to some "cult" or because she is "working" the streets, or because she doesn't' have anything better to wear.

Either way, she is a girl. She longs to be loved, accepted, acknowledged, forgiven, at peace....and the list could go on and on and on.

I think people avoid such topics....disturbing ones....because they are afraid that God would have them do something about it! That is why I LOVE this quote that I found on Wendi's blog. She has it posted right under the title of her blog. What an awesome quote. I think it says it all!

"Sometimes I'd like to ask God why He allows poverty, famine, and injustice in the world when He could do something about it..., but I'm afraid God might ask me the same question."

~ Anonymous

Chew on that for a while!


Once again.....heavy sighs, knot in stomach, wrinkled brow, lump in throat and head shaking!


What do you think God wants YOU to do?

Quick Update

I have been trying to post several pictures today, but blogger is obviously having some issues! Anyhow, I just wanted to let you all know that

1. Rachel's hearing is being checked tomorrow.
2. Rachel is scheduled for a speech eval. on May 6th @ 9 a.m.
3. I'm still waiting on Timothy's eye appointment to be scheduled.

On another note....I have an appointment today with my GYN to discuss a possible hysterectomy. I will let you know more about that after I meet with him this afternoon. (Probably won't post about it till tomorrow sometime.)

Thanks for all your prayers! Hopefully I can load pictures tomorrow.....I have a lot to post!

The Weight Thing and Other Stuff

Well, obviously from the ticker on my sidebar, you might have noticed that I have NOT lost any more weight since several weeks ago!!! Honestly, I haven't really tried much lately. I was doing really well, but then all of a sudden it was like I didn't care again, until yesterday.

For the past couple weeks I have been so BLAH!!! I have had two major headaches, migraine or cluster (not sure yet). I was suppose to go have the MRI, MRA and the EEG last week, but even though the Lord blessed us with the clergy discount at the Baptist hospital, I still couldn't afford to pay my part that day. The discount was very much appreciated. It knocked the amount I would owe down to less than a third of the entire bill. After insurance, the total bill was $4447.89! After the clergy discount it was only $789.84!!!!!!

Now tell me that isn't God working!

The only problem that morning was that they wanted me to have $500 of the money BEFORE I could have the tests done. Well, there was no way that was happening. I could barely afford to pay them $100 that day. I told the "financial counselor" that I had gotten paid that Monday, but didn't realize I would need that much money to have the tests done and that I thought I was going to be able to pay them out over time. My hubby had already written and mailed all the bills. I explained to her that I could bring another $150 on the 25th when I got paid again, then I could pay $100 out of every check (which is 2x's a month) till it was paid off.

She then explained to me that the amount I owed was because of my deductible and since it was going toward my deductible they would not let her take any less than $250 on that day. Then she started to explain to me that the MRI and MRA machines were down and that I would have to reschedule those tests. AND since those machines were down, the tests were being split up and the discount woudn't be as much.

After MUCH inner struggle, I told the woman, "Forget it! I will just deal with the headaches until I can get all the tests scheduled at the same time." I told her that I would work on setting aside the money needed for the tests and come back later.

There was actually much more said in that conversation....some of which I am embarrassed by, but in all the pain I had gone through over the past couple days prior to this, I didn't really care. I told my mother and my hubby and another friend that the pain I had in my head that day made me want to shoot my head off! I have NEVER felt that kind of pain before and I pray that none of you do EVER!!!!

There was NO sympathy coming from this woman. And it really frustrated me to no end. She had obviously never experienced such pain.

I just want to know what is causing the headaches. I want to get in to see the neurologist to discuss it all and get the medication I need to (hopefully) deter that kind of pain from ever rearing it's ugly head again! The pain for both only lasted approximately 45 minutes to an hour, but it was completely UNBEARABLE during that time, and for the next several days I had a constant headache.

Just pray for me in all this......I am sure it is nothing but Migraines or Cluster headaches, but I want to know and I want to get whatever medicine will work and I want it NOW!!!

The tests are rescheduled for May 1st and the neurologist appointment for May 9th.

Thanks friends!

What kind of shoe are you??

I saw this on the blog of Lisa Writes.......I went on over took my 5 question quizz and this is what it said about me.... (BTW, Lisa is a cowboy boot!!)

You Are Clogs

You are a solid and down to earth person. You seek – and almost always achieve – a really sound balance in your life. You are stylish yet comfortable. Mellow but driven. Excited yet calm. You are the perfect mesh of contradictions. No matter what happens, you have the ability to stay well grounded in your life. People know that they can truly depend on you. You should live: In Europe You should work: At a company dedicated to helping the world

What Kind of Shoe Are You?

You can follow that link above and find out what kind of shoe you are. Then come back here and let me know

I would like to know one thing.....how does it know I am a clog after just 5 questions??

And what kind of clog am I .... a GARDEN clog, a closed back clog, wooden clog, or a fancy

Professional Brocade clog.

I am not sure, but I will tell you the funniest thing about finding this out today is that I AM WEARING a pair of CLOGS!!!!!! LOLOLOLOL They are old and brown and well worn! And I love them.

An Unbalanced Life?

Wow, I just came from a friend's blog and she had a wonderful post on Friday that I totally missed. It was titled The Balance Between Me And Them and it was about the struggle to find some kind of balance between taking care of your family and taking care of yourself. I SO needed to read that today.

I have so many things off balance right now. I pray with my kids, but I find myself skipping out on my own prayer life quite a bit. I read what seems like TONS of blog posts a day, but find myself slacking when it comes time to read the Bible or do a Bible study. I spend time worrying about whether or not my kids and my husband are happy and have all they need, but when it comes to me, I don't even entertain the thought!

I don't want to become this selfish woman that demands there be a line in the budget for all the mani/pedi's a woman could want, a new outfit for every occasion or lunch dates with the friends several times a week. However, I do know that I need to take some time for myself. I need to think about me at least a teensy weensy bit. Shoot, my dear hubby just told me this very thing about a month ago. He sees it, so why can't I?

Thank you Liz and thank you dear Hubby for pointing this out to me!

3's About Me

Saw this on a friend's site and thought I would copy it!

Three Jobs:
Teacher, Block Buster Attendant, Day Care Worker

Three movies I would watch over and over:
You've Got Mail, What About Bob, Sweet Home Alabamma

Three places I have lived:
Belton, Bay City, Hawkins

Three shows that I watch:
American Idol, Law and Order (all of them SVU is my fav.), Rules of Engagement (my list could actually get way too long here!!!)

Three places I have been:
Cozumel, Washington State, Portland OR

Three of my favorite foods:
Anything Mexican, Pizza, Chex Mix

Three places I'd rather be right now:
With my family, at home, at a movie

Three things I am looking forward to this year:
Timothy starts Kindergarten (tears/elation), Daycare expense cut in half!, my friend JK adopting!

Just a Reminder!

This is just a quick reminder that I have one of the best Hubbies in the world. Tomorrow, I am taking the day off from work and we are leaving the kids to be picked up by a sitter, and we are going to Houston to see this man:
He is in Houston on tour and doing a special Valentines Day concert and I get to be a part of that. I am SO excited!!! I can not wait!!! We are going to eat at Landry's before the concert. Carlton says that is his Valentines Day present to himself! He loves that place!

I'll let you all know on Friday how it went. They said no "flash photography" was allowed. I wonder if that means it's okay to bring a camera, just don't use the flash??? I'm sure going to try!