Sex and Dating!

Carlton has started a series titled "Sex and Dating". A very good one I might add. It is a video driven series that he got from Blue Fish TV. It was written by Hayley and Michael DiMarco. Here is the trailer for it.



I hope it comes up on your computer, because it doesn't on mine at work. But then again we have so many filters here.... If you couldn't watch it then go here

Anyway, it is a really good series. Last night we started with the first video lesson on Boundaries. Really the kids made many more comments than we expected them too, so it made it a lot easier for him to speak.

After the video he asked them some questions that related to the two teenagers in the video. Questions like, "Why do you think she couldn't leave him?", and "Why do you suppose he had so much control over her?", and "Do you think she really thought he was "the one" and they would get married one day?"

The responses to these questions hurt my heart. Girls would say things like, "She loved him. She thought they would one day get married. She thought he loved her. He became a habit for her." And the guys had comments like, "She let him control her. She let him take her away from her friends. She didn't tell him "No."

Did you notice what I noticed???? All their responses started with SHE. To that, I ask, "What?" Why is it that SHE have to be the one that says no? Where was the responsibility on HIS part?

I will tell you that my hubby also heard that reoccuring word too and he made it a point to tell them that he heard it. Then he told them, "IT TAKES TWO" Not just two to "get it done" but two to "keep it from happening!"

Sure there are the giggles, pointing, cutting of eyes and red faces, but those that commented when he asked questions really suprised me. Most of their answers were right on! Most of the questions last night were not ones that really had a right or wrong answer either, so that made it a little easier for them to comment.

The main jist of last night was reminding students to set boundaries and to set them now! If they haven't started dating and even if they had. Set those boudaries and draw the line. Let whoever you are dating or will be dating know how you feel. Tell them where your boundaries are and dare them to even put a toe over the line.

It was really tough for a few kiddos to sit through the first video, and to listen to what Carlton had to say afterwards, because they have already had sex. It was obvious on some of their faces. Carlton made sure to tell them that there was no reason for hanging on to that guilt if they were ready to seek forgiveness and to start over. My heart really ached for them. I do hope they open up and talk about it, if not in front of everyone (who most already know) then I hope they pull one of us adults aside to chat.

I was very proud of my man for some of the things he told them. He reminded them all that God wired girls with very sensitive hearts. Hearts that need to be protected. Hearts that belong to God. He reminded them that girls are emotional beings. He told them that once a girl has sex with a guy she becomes so emotionally attached to him that it is almost impossible for her to ever forget about him. Then he told them that God made her that way for the purpose of keeping that bond in marriage.

He told the guys that they are to treat girls with the respect that they deserve. He reminded them that he was once a "young man" and that he KNOWS the thoughts they have and the feelings they get.

Then he asked them this...."Tell me something, what is a guy that sleeps around with a lot of girls called....."
PLAYER ................... PIMP .................. THE MAN ............ those were just a couple of the names that they all threw out. All names that in our culture today are "positive". Then he said this while shaking his head in agreement, "Okay, okay, now tell me what is a girl called that sleeps around with a lot of guys....."
HO ........... SLUT ........... SKANK .......... again, just a few that I could remember. But those were all words that are negative, that tear down their character. Then he asked them....

"WHAT'S THE PROBLEM HERE?????" Then he went on to say that what is wrong for one should be wrong for the other! He reminded the guys toward the end that every girl they date is someone's future wife and that furthermore, their future wife might be on a date right now. Then he asked them, "How would you want your future wife to be treated?" I wish you could have seen the look on some of their faces.

This started last night as a 4 week series, however, since he already had to break the first week into 2 weeks, I think it might take a little longer than he expected!

Please pray for him and all us other adults that will be interacting with these kids.

Some Prayer Needed

Well, I shared with you all yesterday how the Lord was teaching me that without that love relationship with him, then nothing in my life would be right. Well, today I was reading one of the lessons and came across this verse from Philippians:

"Brothers, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and staining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Chirst Jesus." Philippians 3:13-14

The part of that verse that just really jumped out at me was "Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead," There is so much in my past that I need to FORGET. Not forget so much as to forget how God brought me through it, but to forget and not cling to it and allow it to "destroy" me. That is exactly what Satan wants. (and it was pointed out to my by my dear hubby this afternoon)

Not that all of these things have happened to me (but a few of them did) but Satan wants us to never forget being hurt by a loved one, being raped at a party you knew you shouldn't have been at, hurting your self or someone you love, having that abortion, having sex before you were married......and the list could go on and on and on.

As long as we hold on to those things, Satan will do his best to use them against us, I know I have been there recently (am there now). But God so loves us that he wants us to forget those things. He wants us to remember how HE brought us through those things so that we can give Him the glory.

I ask for your prayers because there are some things that I really need to "forget"! There are things I need to do to change the way I see myself and others around me. I want to see them and myself through the eyes of my Father in heaven and not with a tainted screen of sin! I will pray for you too. We all need it I'm sure!

Have a great weekend.

DQ

Something The Lord Taught Me Today

This week at the school where I teach we are doing a mock version of the TAKS (our state's exam). Well, teaching special education I sometimes end up with either a small group or no group and get "stuck" observing. This time I had no students the 1st day, 3 the second day, and 1 today. After the kids are finished with the test they can watch a movie or read a book or something as long as it is quiet. So during that time I got caught up on the study we are doing with a group of youth at the church, Experiencing God (Youth Edition). I had done the "grown up" edition back in college. And even started it once again a couple years ago. So when Carlton asked me if I wanted to come out with him and some others to do this one with the youth I decided it would be a good idea.

I love how God does things. With all that has been going on with me lately, what I read today was SO at the right time. Let me tell you what it was...here it is straight from the book:

"The call to love God with all one's heart is expressed throughout the Old Testament. The essence of the New Testament is the same. Quoting from Deuteronomy, Jesus said the greatest commandment in the law is: "Love the Lord your God with all you heart and with all you soul and with all your mind and with all your strength" (Mark 12:30). Everthing depends on this! Everything in your Chirstian life, everhting about knowing and experiencing God, everything about knowing His will, depends on the quality of your love relationship with Him. If that is not right, nothing in your life will be right."

Oh my gosh!!!! That slapped me right in the face! With all the struggles I have been having, with all the "problems" I seem to have with insecurities, all of that is a reflection of my relationship with Him. I had to stop immediately and pray to ask forgiveness from Him for not seeking that "love relationship" he desires from each of us.

Another quote was "A love relationship with God is more important than any other factor in your life." I know that you, just like me, already know that, but a reminder is always nice!

I hope that this was something you needed today!

"Lord I Want To Be Whole" Intro - Pt.2

**Sorry about all the color changes...I don't know what I did this time...but I will work on that for the next one!


Well, it has been over a week and I am ready to get this thing rolling. So, here comes the second part of the intro to the study.


In her book, Stormie lists 7 Steps to Emotional Health and they are as follows:

1. Release the Past: Confess to God the times you have failed and, by moving in full forgiveness, release the times others have failed you.


2. Live in Obedience: Understand that God's rules are for your benefit and try to the best of you knowledge to live His ways, knowing that every step of obedience brings you closer to total wholeness.


3. Find Deliverance: Recognize who your enemy is and remove yourself from anything that separates you from God or keeps you from becoming all He made you to be.


4. Seek Total Restoration: Refuse to accept less than all God has for you and remember that finding wholeness is an ongoing process.


5. Receive God's Gifts: Acknowledge the gifts God has given you and take the steps necessary to receive them.


6. Reject the Pitfalls: Avoid or get free of the negative traps and deceptions that rob you of life.


7. Stand Strong: Believe that as long as you stand with God and don't give up, you win.

She says that these are the seven steps that she took in her own life to be freed from stress, fed properly, exercised, nurtured, retained, exposed to freshness and light, and given rest in the area of her mind and emotions.

She also says "You will be able to do the initial work on each of these steps in a week or so, but making them a permanent part of your life takes longer. However, understanding them with your mind will influence the state of your heart, which will affect your emotions and ultimately your entire life."

In the Next Few Months (or however long): There will be information that will seem familiar, almost obvious, but don't overlook that. There will be information that is unfamiliar. You've never heard it before, or you have heard it but have never applied it to your own life. Still there will be information that will be uncomfortable. This is where I have the most difficulty. You may react to it by closing the book (That was me!) or neglecting to work through the process. Whether the hurt is from scars as far back as childhood, or just last week, you can be whole spiritually and emotionally. You do the choosing. God working in you, as you allow Him entrance, makes it happen in your life.

Before she closed this chapter she wanted us to take a second look at our lives from a different perspective. Remembering her definition of emotional health: having total peace about who you are, what you're doing, and where you're going, both individually and in relationship to those around you.

Think about who you are. Write a description of yourself int he space below. (Be sure to include who you are spiritually and emotionally.) I am a wife, mother, teacher, friend, lover, cook, cleaning lady (when that gets done), daughter, sister, in-law, cousin, grand-daughter. I am overweight, out of shape, and unhealthy (although I am working on being in shape and healthy). I am loving, compassionate, kind, forgiving, accepting, patient, fun, predictable and at times can be angry, bitter, easily agitated and self-destructive. I am on my way out of a rut spiritually and emotionally I seem like a ticking time bomb at times.

Do you have total peace about who you are? If not, then mention ways you might want to change. No, I don't want to be that time bomb that my husband/family has to be afraid of going off. I want and long to exhibit the fruits of the spirit, gentleness, patience, kindness, peace, humbleness and self control. I want to be so close to my Father in heaven that I know what He wants for me.

Now think about who you are in relationship to those around you: I am a wife, mother, coworker, minister's wife, church member. To some I am Ang, to others I am Angie, and to some I am Angela. I am Gonka to my brother, Annie to my mother and Little Angie to my Dad. I am a peace maker and a sense maker. To Carlton I am at many times that time bomb I mentioned earlier.

Are you at peace with who you are in relationship to others? If not, mention below the ways you might want to change in relationship to others: Some times yes and others NO. I don't want to be that time bomb, and sometimes I wish I was not just known as "The Youth Minister's Wife".

Think about what you are doing. Look back at the past week and month and year. Mention the activities that seem to consume most of your time:

• In the past week: vacation, kids, family
• In the past month: kids, family, work, church
• In the past year: kids, family, work, church

Are you at peace with what you are doing? If not, mention the ways you might want to change what you are doing in the future. Yes and No. I would like to spend more time bonding with my kids, telling them about God and showing them how He wants us to live. I want to be more serious about my job and I want to serve others more.

Now think about what you are doing and how it affects those around you. Are you at peace with the way you affect those around you? If not, mention the ways you might want to change the way you affect others. I feel that my lack of motivation is hurting those around me at work, at church and at home. It causes me to be a poor role model for my children, my coworkers, the kids in our youth group and it also causes a lot of tension and agitation between me and Carlton. No I am not at peace with this way of acting/living. I hope that prayer along with a study like this that guides my thinking in the right direction, I will be better at this. I pray that through all this my thinking will become right and I will be more in line with God's word.

Once again, that was a lot! I can not leave you though without posting a few scriptures. Look them up then think about the promises that God gives in each of them and what they direct you to do in your life.

Deuteronomy 32:39, Jeremiah 3:22, Jeremiah 3:17, Luke 4:18, and James 5:13-15

Next time we will look at Step 1: Releasing the Past: Confessing the times you have failed and, by moving in full forgiveness, releasing the times others have failed you. Now, if you are me, that doesn't sound all that great! I promise it will be hard, but like Stormie said in her book, "Do not forget that emotional and spiritual wholeness is a process that involves changing habits of thinking, feeling, or acting. These seven steps are not a quick fix, but a permanent way to transform your inner being."

Till next time!