Pondering!

WOW.....there are a lot of things in this life that I ponder. Most of those things are things that I sometimes am afraid to "share" for fear of someone thinking I am absolutely crazy, emotionally unstable (although I do feel that way from time to time), or for fear of someone questioning my salvation. But today I was over at a new "friend's" blog and came across her post titled The Real Me. Some may find it a bit lengthy, but it really explains a lot of things I do ponder, things that I am often afraid to say out loud.

I have found this new friend to be so open, honest, and REAL about how she feels and about what she is thinking and I love this. I find this to be mighty brave! Why do I find it brave? Well, many of us, Christians that is, are NOT so honest about such things. Even at our churches we don't "lay it all on the line". Instead we hide and cower behind the grace of God and his forgiveness, love and mercy. We know He will forgive us for the thoughts we have or the actions we take as long as we ask Him. We know He loves us. We are typically afraid that if we were to share this kind of "testimony" with our church friends they would look at us with that "poor you" look. Or better yet, from my own experience, they would ask you if you were "sure of your salvation." And being the wife of a minister, I feel we are questioned even more!

"YES, I know I am saved. I know who the Lord is and I believe in all that His word tells me! But I still have problems, don't you?" That is what I want to say.

Anyway, to my "new friend" ........... I too feel the same way. I too immerse myself in the Word and I still feel the same way. I know that there are many things in my past that need to be dealt with and I don't really know if it will change anything, but I am in the process.

Now I sit here and watch the cursor flash.....trying to think of something else to say, but it is not coming right now.......so I'll close, but I am sure there will be more to come.......