There are so many things going through my head right now. Thoughts of regret, happiness, fear, excitement, saddness, business, frustration, usefulness, laziness and axiousness. The majority of those thoughts are negative and I acknowledge them to be from Satan. He has really been attacking me these last few days.
He has been attacking me at home, at work, at the grocery store and even a time or two at church. I have felt like a terrible mommy. I have yelled at the kids way too much! Not fed them breakfast at home only to find out that the only thing they had for breakfast on Thursday at that day care they were attending was FRIED BOLOGNA! Nothing with it...just fried bologna. Now I had fried bologna as a child, and there was nothing wrong with it (we called it the poor man's meat!) But to know that I could have made them something better at home that morning and didn't, I just felt terrible! I just praise God that TODAY is the last day they will be at that daycare!!! I spend most mornings in a fight with Timothy to get him out the door and in the past couple of days Rachel has joined him. I have yelled at them so much that I have made myself sick over it! I don't have a very large amount of patience (which is something that I have been praying about lately) and my poor precious little ones have suffered more lately than they ever should.
God had entrusted them to me and Carlton. To take care of, to show HIS love, to grow in HIS way. They are the most precious thing to me on this earth, but lately I have not treated them as such. Lately I have treated them as another chore! (tears) (more tears) I love them SO much. I want them to know that in their minds and feel that in their hearts. I want them to never doubt that I love them and am here to take care of them. But today, I feel that with the way I have been acting lately, I could see where they would doubt! (tears) (sobbing tears)
My friends, please pray for me! Sorry for the depressing post.
DQ
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2 comments:
Well, Baby Girl,
As ALL us mommies know we have all if admitting it done the same thing. We all let ourselves get WAY to busy in this fast paced world and we forget that GOD never meant it to be this way. We are the ones that do it to ourselves. We just have to stand back take a deep breath and remember that "THIS TOO SHALL PASS" nothing is worth getting stressed out about but we all do it. We forget that all we have to do is lean a little to the left or right and God's arms are there. I have forgotten that way to many times lately. But HE never moves from our side, we move from His. Don't beat yourself up, your kids love you and are as forgiving as God is. Hug and kiss them and they have already forgotten.
Moma
Hey,
I was just reading this and little girl your moma still loves fried bologna. But I have to say I never thought about having it for breakfast.
Moma
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