**Note*** After posting this, I went to Rocks In My Dryer to link it here to see that next week is "Backward's Day" I guess this should have been for next week, but I had to share it this week. I am sure there will be plenty to share next time!
This is not your typical WFMW post. I need some help here. This is also not a post asking you to pursuade me to become a stay-at-home mommy, 0r asking for advise on how to become one. I am a working mother and will probably be one until I retire. I like working even though there are times in my current job when I feel totally useless (and that isn't very satisfying), but there are also times when I almost envy the thought of being able to stay at home.
My children are just getting to the ages when "outside" activites start. Timothy took swimming lessons this summer and started soccer this year and Rachel has been in baby ballet since September. Not too much, but enough for me right now. (I know it only gets "worse")
Here lies my frustration. I want to be one of those mommies that can "do it all". One that can go to work in the morning, come home in the afternoon, go to events (however many there are), KEEP my house in order (not necessarily even "clean" just in order however in order and clean would be AWESOME), make meals for the family, do all the church events and still have some kind of time for myself. I want to be one of those mommies that can make the treat bags for the class party. I saw one of those mommies this morning going into the daycare and it kind of sparked this on today. I want to be that "room mother" for my kids one day. The one I remember seeing come in as a child with all the goodies. The one that planned a lot of those fun activities we did as a class.
There are days when I get home from work that I just want to crash. At the same time I know I still have dinner to fix, kids to bathe, books to read to little ears and prayers to pray. Where is the time to play? Not MY time to play, but I feel as if I never get to "play" with my kids. I feel as if all I do is feed bellies, clean bodies, and put them to bed. Sometimes as I mentioned months back, I even skip the reading part just so I can have some down time myself. Then I feel like this terrible monster for not wanting to read to my kids.
I need something that works for me here. I am not the best at organization. My house is a constant wreck, and I seem to be tired all the time. What can I do to make this better?
For more on WFMW head on over to Shannon's at Rocks In My Dryer .
10 comments:
Hi! I've never been to your blog before but I saw your post from Rocks in my Dryer. Have you ever heard of flylady.net? It was a great launching point for me to get my house organized. Basically it boils down to making a morning and evening routine and spending 15 minutes a day working on your house (cleaning, de-cluttering, etc). I am lucky to be a SAHM now, but for the first year of my son's life both my husband and I worked full-time. I still do my flylady "stuff" and basically our house is always presentable -- not immaculate, but not embarassing either! My husband is a teacher, too, so I know that it's not one of those 9-5 jobs. Good luck; I'm sure you can do it!
I’m not a Mom and I don’t even baby sit so feel free to disregard.
Your kids won’t remember what you think they’ll remember. Some day,years hence, they’ll bring up something that will totally mistify you. The things that will mean a lot to them won’t necessarily be the things that make you look like Super Mommy.
If your husband is also trying to be Super, you are well on your way. You’re already ten strokes ahead in that there are 2 of you.
Also, when you feel like you’re about to crash—maybe you should ask for timeout and see if you can’t get a 20-minute nap.
I am a mom (4 children)- and a working mom, but gc is right about what kids remember. My eldest daughter (now 24) tells me things that I have taught her, like praying for even small things. She remembered me praying with her for her little girl traumas and even for a parking space near where we needed to go. I didn't remember these things, but she did. I am sure that I have "taught" my children some of my bad habits too. They will remember playing, so sometimes it may be important to have popcorn, apple slices, and cheese for dinner and play pretend or even a board game instead of "doing" dinner. I didn't do that often, but they do remember it. I don't think that it is really possible to "do it all". You just can't be that many people, but we all do the best we can with the circumstance that God has given us.
DM
Hi Angela,
I just had to come over and visit you! I appreciated this post so much because it shows that you have a heart to love your family.
The other ladies have given lots of good advice. I worked for seven years (part time) after having kids, and they DON'T EVEN REMEMBER THAT! As you know, we have a big family, so besides swimming lessons, we do very little for preschoolers. We don't even do birthday parties for friends until they turn 5, then they get one every 2-3 years (the others are family parties). Just being with mom and dad doing normal activities is plenty. You really have to weigh the cost and time investment of "organized activities." You might be able take them to the park and they'd enjoy it just as much! And there's one more evening you can be together (without a time crunch) as a family.
There is a lot of outside pressure to "be" and to "do," but most of it is nonsense. Busy-ness is a huge trap that saps us of energy and keeps us from enjoying those special moments that "happen" when we are together. You will be a mom for a long time - pace yourself, and don't let others determine the kind of mom you need to be for your family.
Email me if you want to talk more!
Love,
Katherine
I just have to echo Katherine's thoughts. This is exactly what we learned in our parenting class at church the other night...about how other outside things are causing a real decline in families spending time together. But I also know how it is when you see those "Supermoms" doing it all and wanting the same. I think balance is the key...do what works for YOUR family.
i have to echo what others have said. you see those "supermoms" on the outside but you have no idea what they're like on the inside. you have to be the best you can, even if sometimes you order pizza or serve breakfast for dinner or skip out on activities so you can just breathe. you need to take care of yourself so that your children will get the best "you" possible. those treats in class are overrated...your children will remember the snuggling and reading far more than the treats you bring to class.
My friend who is an accountant and has 2 teens and 2 in elementary found she could do what you describe by working 4 day weeks. She takes fridays off and does the cleaning and shopping on that day. But I will admit she limits the kids outside activities to one each plus church activities and her teens do their own laundry.
Thank you ALL for your comments. They have been so encouraging! I am a teacher so lessening my days of work would not be an option, but I will take a lot of this advice. For example, spending 10-15 minutes at a time to focus on a particular area of the house, doing the "small things" well, weighing the cost and time of "organized activites", and not giving in to the pressures to "do" and "be" everything.
You are all so kind. Thank you for stopping by!
Angeal
Have your kids help you with the chores. Start early. My four year old LOVES to "do dishes." You get chores done and time together all in one package. Yes, it takes a little longer, but children who have REAL responsibilities around the house are such a pleasure to be around--especially when they are teenagers. Trust me on this one. I have nine children--all of them are a joy. My eldest is a freshman in college and last month he thanked me for making him do chores. Really.
I can't help you at all with organization (even Flylady couldn't help me), but I can tell you that when I went on a low-carb diet, I had a lot more energy, and needed less sleep. Of course, the time I gained by sleeping less, I had to spend doing all that chopping, but if you can make it work for you, it might be worth a shot.
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